Lulu's Book Of Rando Rants & Weirdness

Un Happy

Why am I always unhappy?

I just at least feel a little sad or annoyed or angry 24/7

And it can take the smallest of things to make it expand.

Things that used to always make me happy dont work anymore. I feel like Im falling into an always sad no matter what mood and I hate it, I feel like Im not the same as I used to be.

Before I'd usually be happy all the time, Id play games with my brothers and roll down grassy hills and run outside barefoot.

Now I barely go outside and avoid.most of my family, I just feel really unhappy and it's absolutely terrible.

Not to mention Im an absolutely hideous crier, so now everytime I cry I cant even be propally relieved bECAUSE I LOOK DISGUSTING.

I just want to be happy again, I dont know where I changed but everything around me is not helping.

The reality of Trump becoming president is crashing down on me, and I am officialy disapointed in america (and no Im not on the mood for a political fight on Trump, so back the eff up with your oppinions please) , and I miss my family, even the ones I live with. I cant stand them but I miss them.

I just want things to be normal again, or for once, because they never were, I guess the reality of my trashy life is crashing down on me.

I have a lot of personasl problems I wish I could talk about, but I cant. I wish I could be comfortable crying my eyes out but I cant, not only because of my horrendous looks, but because I share a room with my sister, so yeah.

I just wanna scream and have a pity party or something, I wanna tell someone all my problems, I wanna have an amazing time with my family again, I wanna be a bubbly mess again, I wanna be happy.

This book is just turning into an online diary now, so you can all take it out your libraries if you want, if anyone has it in there anymore.

I just feel like Im falling apart and so is my life, and I hate it.

And I cant spell or anything so kill me now.

And I feel like that ^^^ is one of the reasons ppl dont like me, yes at night my brain forces me to find ways I effed up the day and reasons for people not to like me at night, any way back to what I was saying:

I think ppl think Im way to exagerativve, if thats a real word, but that's honestly honestly how I feel in a summed up amount of words.

I also feel like people like me for a period of time then just get sick of me. Like at first they think Im a cool and funny person, and then they think Im annoying and want to get rid of me, they try to subtly do it but I realise, and it does not feel good to realise someone you thought you were friends with doesn't like you.

But what really hurts is how they think Im an idiot, I notice you pushing me away, I notice you ignoring me, I notice when you dissapear when I come, Im not as stupid as you think and surprisingly, I also have feelings too.

But thats where I start to feel bad, I start thinking I messed things up and  its all my fault, and it probably is, but I still hate it.

But I really am an idiot, because when that person decideds they finally wanna be around me, I let them, I act like nothing bad ever happened at all. And I hate that too.

But I really apreciate people who actually DO like me and KEEP liking me, because then I actually have alot of fun with them.

Also, if you hate me, congrats, I hate me too, climb on board to the S. S. Hate Lulu ship, we have chips and soda! But beware, I may just poison your soda because if you hate me, gET OUT OF MY LIFE AND STOP TRYING TO MAKE IT CRAPPY YOU TRASH CAN.

Idk anymore, I want candy and cookies.