suicide thought (Ponyboy)

Im only going to hurt you

I'm actually watching the outsiders for the 3rd time while writing this!

"I'm only going to hurt you get away!" I screamed at soda he seemed taken aback by the words that came out of my mouth he backed up a little before taking small steps towards me and pulling me into a hug.
Why was he doing this all I was doing was hurting him and I was a mess "shh shh your not hurting anyone at all not me or Darry." I never did notice Darry was there in the door way watching us. "I want to be left alone right now." "Ok honey we'll go." Honey what mom use to call me I was crying before now I'm just sobbing at the thoughts rushing into my mind I didn't even notice I was asleep or that soda was in the room staring at me.
The next morning I didn't want to move, more like I couldn't soda had his arms around me, wrapped tight around me as I tried to slap him awake "hey what was that for." "Your squishing me to death." Maybe he should continue with it if it was to death.
I had to eventually get up and have a shower, to eat breakfast and normal morning things like my therapy session that was not helping what so ever in anyway it was making me worst and worst.
"We're going out two it's staying with you k ponyboy." "Ok Darry." Oh great does he know what he's doing.