suicide thought (Ponyboy)

Deeper and deeper

I've started to cut again since I never did stop its only like 3 cuts a day on my leg or up by my hips.
Therphy has been going on for about 3 weeks now it helps a lot to just sit and talks with her.She said I need to have daily talks with my brothers.It just having me sit down somewhere with them and talk answering any and I'm taking any questions they ask about me.
Right now I was in the bathroom cutting again the blade I use was hidden in a drawer that has a loose bottom under that loose bottle members piece of word is another piece of wood I've hide many things there like the blades and extra money I made last year no one knows about.
These cuts I was making had no meaning whatsoever they weren't for mom or dad or Johnny it was just because I think im addicted to it now it's been over a couple years so now it has become my normal life. Till soda had to find me. The bathroom floor was stained a light pink on the white tile since the blood.
   All what was left of the gang was out in the living room goofing around I bet they didn't even notice  that I was gone till I heard the door open and the sound of screams.It was Darry he was the one I was scared of to see me like this.I was all covered in my own blood with red puffy eyes that still had soft tears coming out outing onto my chin my hair was a mess I'm only 95 pounds so I'm like the size of a 10 year old."Ponyboy what in the heavens are you doing put that shit down clean up the blood on your arm and come out here." He shoot me a death glare before finishing his sentence "now."  I cleaned all the blood off my arm ruining yet another towel and walked out to the living room plopping down in the middle of the couch next to Twobit and Steve "Now pony I thought you stopped and what I seen just then is not in any way expectable." "Sorry Darry it's hard you k-now." I choked on the last word cause of the tears still pouring out of my eyes. "Yeah I know." All of them said "How do you guys know your not the ones who lost your only friends in this town." I didn't notice that Steve and Twobit were rolling up there sleeves to show 2-5 cuts on there skin "we have our own problems kid." "Oh-God no no no no no you can't." I was in a full break down at this point "you can't no no no don't do this."