beauty behind the madness | the weeknd

8

Rose

On Monday, I push open the door to Tesfaye's classroom. When he catches my eye, he looks surprised and then smiles.

"Well, isn't this a surprise," he says and the class look in my direction and laugh with him. I almost roll my eyes, but then stop. This is the first time that I've been early to his lesson. I smile and head to the back to my seat, feeling Tesfaye's eyes on me the whole time. "Okay, class, turn to pages 59 and 60 and answer those questions." The class goes quiet.

I dig my book out of my bag and open it. When I look up, I notice that he's watching me. My heart starts thumping and my body feels tingly. I can't seem to tear my eyes away, though. Instead, I just raise an eyebrow and smile. I shake my head, looking back down at the book. 

I don't even do the work. I can't think straight, especially since after what happened on Saturday. I can still feel the ghost of Tesfaye's hand holding mine. Ugh. What's wrong with me? 

When the bell rings out, everyone hands their books in. I curse to myself. Tesfaye will see that I didn't answer any of the questions. I'm the last one to hand my book in. He takes it and his hands brush against mine, causing my skin to tingle. I try to escape as quickly as I can.

"Rose?" he calls out, as I reach the door. 

Damn it, I think to myself. I turn around. "Yeah?" I ask uncertainly.

"You didn't answer any of the questions," Tesfaye states. He looks at me, squinting.

I open my mouth to speak, but then stop. How should I spin this one? "I know," I say finally. "I couldn't really concentrate."

"Hmm, I bet," he replies and then grins. I try to hide a smile. He holds out my book to me. "You can do them now."

"What?" I protest. "But it's the end of the day!"

"And you didn't answer any of the questions," Tesfaye points out. "Not one."

I cross my arms across my chest and glare at him. I could always make a run for it, but I know that'll just end up with me getting a two hours' detention again. And I really don't need that.

I roll my eyes and snatch the book out of his hands. "Fine," I say through gritted teeth. "Asshole." He must've heard me because he laughs to himself. 

When I'm done answering the questions, I hand Tesfaye the book again and he examines it. "That's more like it," he says, smiling up at me. He licks his lip. "How were you feeling after you got home on Saturday?"

"Like shit," I tell him honestly and he smiles again. I look down at my hands. "Thank you again for dropping me and Emma off home."

"No problem," Tesfaye says. He leans forward, narrowing his eyes. "And have you been out or taken anything?" I shake my head and his face breaks into a smile again. "That's good!" 

I nod my head. But it's not good because my body hasn't been functioning properly. My hands always shake and my body trembles all the time. Tesfaye looks down at my hands now, which are shaking. "Um," I mumble. "I should go." I start to head towards the door.

"Wait!" Tesfaye calls out. He gets up from his desk and walks over. "Don't get mad at me, Rose, but I need to ask you something." I don't want to hear it. All I want is to get out of here. I'm scared about what he'll ask. "Are you sure you're not an addict?" 

The words make my body go numb. When I open my mouth, no words come out. Instead, a sob escapes my throat and the tears start streaming down my face. When I feel his arms wrap around, I bury my face into his neck. He strokes my back, as I continue crying.

I pull away from him. "I'm sorry," I say, sniffing.

"Don't apologise, Rose!" Tesfaye tells me, but I continue apologising anyway. I start to wipe the tears away and take a deep breath in and out. "Hey, hey, hey!" Tesfaye soothes. "It's not your fault."

Another sob escapes my throat. "But it is," I say. "It's my fault. I'm the one that's taking drugs, that goes out partying. It's all my fault." He wraps his arms around me again and we stay like that for a long time. "You smell good." I think out aloud and he laughs into my neck. His breath tickles my neck. I pull away from him and he wipes away the tears with his thumb.

"Do you want to stay?" he offers and I shake my head.

"No," I tell him. "I should go."

"Are you sure?" Tesfaye pushes. "I can drive you home?"

I shake my head again and smile. "No, it's fine," I say and then feel bad when I register the sadness on his face. 

Tesfaye nods. "Okay. See you tomorrow, Rose." 

"See you tomorrow."