Memories can't change me.

Chapter 21

Sorry for not updating in ages...

Chapter 21

Harry's POV

Three hours have passed since we were told about Julie. Three, painful hours. Lord only knows how I was feeling, because if I'm honest, I don't know.

Like, I feel like a lock without a key, you know?

But know I'm here, hand on the handle of the door, not ready at all to see my dead girlfriend. Not at all. But you know what they say, right?

'It's now or never.'

If I'm perfectly honest, the idea of never having to do this sounds so much better than 'now'.

From what I've heard, staying in hell for a while seems better than having to say "Goodbye", for the last time ever to the person that you love the most, disregarding your parents, on this planet.

They say the worlds a lonely place. That the people without someone to hug at night, it will get lonely. That it's mostly in the night.

But I feel lonely now. I feel, and this will sound cliche, that my heart is lonely. Like there's now a hole in my chest. And it hasn't even been a day yet.

And I'm still holding that silver door handle, because the sight of a door handle is better than the sight of my dead girlfriend.

But I have to see her. I have to say goodbye. Have to tell her I love her, even though she can't hear me. I have to let her know that she's the only one. Always will be. I'm never going to give myself to anyone else.

"Fuck, this is it." I almost mumble. I twist the handle and step into the small room. Everyone else has been to say goodbye. They just left the last remaining pussy to be me.

She is covered by a white sheet. Behind that white sheet, though, is the lady that I loved and wanted to spend an eternity with, with her beautiful hair and gorgeous eyes.

I can feel the tears stream down my cheeks, staining them. The occasional tear drops on my lips, the salty taste intruding my mouth.

And then I start to talk.

"J-Jules. W-Where t-the fuck do I b-begin?" I start, hiccuping throughout the sentence. "O-Okay, this is g-going t-to be h-hard for m-me, w-without you, m-my rock. Y-you don't know t-this, b-but you've helped me th-through so much, a-and I love y-you every day f-for it," I stopped and wiped my eyes. The pain in my chest is killing me.

"You're s-so st-rong, always st-tanding up to my fans. You're s-so st-rong. And you h-help me. Be a better p-person, you h-help m-me." By the end of that sentence, I'm in floods of tears. "Ju I love y-you!" I scream, sobbing. I grab her hand like there's no tomorrow, because for all we know, there isn't any tomorrow.

"Ju, it h-hurts. You're not h-here and it hurts me. E-every w-where it h-hurts. You've b-been s-so g-good t-to me, Jules. S-so good. Every d-day." This is utter agony. Holding the one you love'a hand, and them not hold it back because they can't is just agony. The worst kind of pain. Worse than breaking every bone in your body, because without them, it's like more than every bone is broken, and you're just left there numb, on your own.

About five minutes has passed of me just sitting here, silent, just holding Jule's hand. I'm much calmer now then I was only minutes ago. I'm crying, but not sobbing.

"What's it like there, Ju? In heaven, w-what's it l-like? Does it hurt as much as I'm hurting? When you die? Or is it a quick thing? D-do you k-now it's c-coming, or does it j-just happen? I can tell you right n-now that what I'm f-feeling isn't just sown thing that will happen. How am I s-suppose to live without you h-here, Julie? How?" And I'm shouting now. "Without you, Ju, I can't live! You take up too much of my heart alone, now there's just a gap where your supposed to be. To keep me breathing. To keep me s-sane. To keep me f-from b-breaking."

I don't think I realised when the doctor came in.

"Sorry, Mr Styles. We have to take her away from you in two minutes." The doctor says. What is he playing at?

"What are you, thinking you can take her away from me?" I scream. The doctor doesn't say anything, but just stands there. "Ju, I won't let them take you. I won't, because you're mine. That's sounds possessive, but it's true. They can't take you away! Because I love you. And I n-need you. And you're e-everything to me. M-m everything. And this isn't going to happen, b-because y-you're not dead. No. You're a-alive. You're here and your alive. And I love you. And I know I've said that m-many times but it's true. I love you. They're not t-taking you away from me! They can't! I'm not s-supposed to see you at your f-uneral this soon! W-e were going to have kids. D-Darcy and Sid. A-and we were going to get married. You would've been late and I would be w-waiting at the alter for you. A-nd you would've f-fallen over and been your c-clumsy self. And it would've been great! Perfect, even. B-because it would've been with you. And you are perfect. A-and we would've laughed. We would've kissed and danced and it would be perfect. The best. Because everything with you is perfect. Every minute I spend with you is perfect. Every day I spend l-ooking at you is perfect. I would never want anything more. And we'd grow old together. H-have grand ch-children. Watch the 6 of them laugh and play together. Have water fights in the garden together. And we'd be happy, because it would be perfect. S-so I'm not letting these people t-take my perfect angel away f-from me, because I love you too much." I shout, cry and just vent my heart out. And the doctor just stands there.

"Mr. Styles, we have to take her away now. I'm truly sorry."

"No! You can't!" I scream. My vision has gone blurry, the tears falling so fast that I can't see much. Then I feel arms around me. Everything in me is numb. There's people crying. Voices muffled.

And I didn't even say the words "good bye".

.............................

A/N

There you go.

Sorry! I didn't update in like a gazzilion years.

Anyway. This was sad. :'(

But, hey, at least I updated.

Maybe one more chapter then an epilogue? Don't know yet.

Also, I decided to chose a song for this chappy (:

-Grow old with me by Tom Odell. Not sure if I like the song though.

Anyway. Love yous

p.s please read my new fic 'what you do to me.'? would mean a lot .