Memories can't change me.

Chapter 22

Chapter 22

Julie's POV

Dead; No longer current, relevant or of importance.

                                             ^me^

This moment, right now, feels like one of those cheesy film or book moments when the dead person is looking on over the love of their life, taking in their 'uttermost beauty'.

Harry Styles is utterly beautiful, though.

And if you think otherwise, try explain your thoughts to his millions of fans.

This moment, right now, is heart wrenching. It's like little elves have climbed into my chest, ripped out out my heart and started squeezing it.

Not that I could feel my heart, anyway, as I can't feel anything.

I just wish I could reach out and just wipe the tears of his cheeks. I wish I could hold his hands and comfort him. I wish I could take each knuckle and kiss them all one by one, until all his pain fades away and evaporates.

I wish I could steel away just one more of his kisses.

But most of all, I wish that I could say 'Goodbye'.

Not just to Harry, but to everyone. My mum, my family, my friends. My dad. Let him know that he got what he wanted all along. 

Sadly, wishes never seem to come true.

Hearing him talk to me as if I were able to hear him, saying things he has never told me - or anyone -  brings tears to my sealed eyes.

And I can't help but think what it would be like if I stayed.

Would he have ever proposed to me, would we get married; had babies; grandchildren? And he told me he never wants to love another person again. Says I wouldn't want him to.

And that's bollocks, because  I do want him to. I do want him to find love after me. It would make me feel better about myself leaving him behind. It would be selfish of me to have wanted to be his only true love.

If he never finds another person to love, it would kill me. I believe everyone should be able to love anyone, especially someone as special as Harry. Harry deserves more than love. he deserves more than what the world is able to give him. He deserves a billion roses, a trillion stars and a gazillion of my hearts.

Is it possible for dead people to cry? If it is, then I am definitely weeping right now.

But they say you only cry for the people you love. And I love Harry more than I loved my life itself.

In fact, my life was pretty shitty before he came around and changed it. He was like my paper weight. He never let me drift off or float away back into my death trap, which was my father. He always managed to keep my body and myself in only one place.

Ok, that was a shitty attempt at a metaphor, but you get the idea.

The idea is that love can make you crazed; deluded, even. It can make your mind got mental. It can take you a whole life time to find out what love truly means. It can take you years to find out that a burning feeling has been inflamed within you for years of loving someone. And it can take being dead to realize the causes and effects of love.

“What does love mean, then?" you ask.

Love is more than a feeling; it's a passion. It's more than an emotion; it's thousands of emotions. It's millions of sparks throughout your body, whenever you hear this person talk, or if you see them. Love a safe, your heart is the lock. If you are willing to open up to love someone, you have to find your heart.

“What are the effects of love, then?"

The effects of love are more than terrible; they are devastating. Love will more than break you; they will destroy you. But love can be incredible, though. It can be the safest place for you to be. It can be the thing that utterly destroys or completes you. For Harry, though, sadly its that prior answer.

But I hope that Harry finds someone to fix him again. He deserves that. He has been through hell and back with me; he needs a change of scene. A change of love; of heart.

Sure, he can love for for as long as he needs, love has no time,  but he needs to have a new love. A new person to make them feel beautiful, like I did whenever I was with him.

It kills me even more to hear him say that he might not love after me, but I need him too, though. In some way, I feel as if it would give me closure if he loved again. If he can learn to love again, I wouldn't have to worry about feeling guilty about leaving him so unexpectedly.

You would maybe think that I'm someone who would think that because I can't love again, neither can he. But Harry is too good to waste his love on someone like me.

So, Harry, if you hear me down there, listen up.

You are amazing. You are beautiful. You have a heart of pure fucking gold and diamonds. You have some of the best friends who only want you to be happy. I can promise you that they are dead inside knowing how you feel at the moment. Ok, it may take a while to get over a death, especially if it was the person you loves death. But I know you are strong, and brave, and you can do this. For me, you can do anything. So you can find someone. Whether it be a guy or a girl, you can find someone. And I can promise you that this new love that you're going to find will last. I can promise you that if you are persistent at finding someone, you will find someone.  She's out there for you. She's just not me. I am a no one now. But you need this person. Not me, but her. You need her to fix you, Harry. I need you to fixed. Louis and the boys will try to fix you, but they won't fill up a hole in your heart. Only love can do that. And I'm not there anymore to fill it up. You have to look for her. She's just over the horizon. Harry look for her.

And I mean really look for her.

But I will always, eternally love you, Harry Edward Styles.

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A/N

Hey guys! This was the last official chapter, if it can be called that.

However, I will be posting an epilogue later on in a few weeks. And I am so sorry thaT I DIDN'T POST IN LIKE WEEKS! I had my exams last week and I guess I wanted to do well in them (:

Anyway, the song for this chapter should be 'Fix You' by Coldplay.

Also, I have started a new fanfic called 'What you do to me'. It would be amazing if you checked it out (:

Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

-H