Bold Bella (Book 4)

Chapter 14:

Niall didn’t say anything but he was watching me as I placed the letter in the large pocket on my jumper.

            “You say you don’t care about them but you still read her letters?”

I looked at Niall as I looked through the box a little more.

            “I feel guilty if I don’t. This was her way of always being in my life and no matter what she did and what I think of her, I have to read them. The letters intrigue me and they can help me understand Rena and if I can understand her maybe I can figure out why she decided to abandon me.”

            “She must’ve explained herself in one of the letters,” Niall said.

            “In her suicide note,” I said picking it out of the box I scanned over the words, the last words my mother ever wrote and read out a bit, “‘Tell Bella I love her and that I’m sorry for not being strong enough to stay for her. But I couldn’t handle the rumours and the lies anymore and I couldn’t let my daughter grow up surrounded by them. This is better for everyone. Dave you’ll do an excellent job raising our girl.’ And then my dad’s suicide note, ‘I couldn’t live in a world without Rena.’”

            “That’s all it said?”

            “It also said tell Bella I’m sorry. But I haven’t really forgiven them yet.”

            “Understandable,” Niall said.

            “I don’t know if I ever will,” I murmured as I closed the box and put it back in the chest. With one last look at the box I closed the chest and looked at Niall.

            “Shall we find the others?”

            “Sure,” Niall agreed and we climbed down the ladder and closed the attic door so it was like we were never up there in the first place.

That night I was lying in my old bed and the unopened envelope was on the bedside table. I fell asleep wondering what it would say.

In the morning I woke up early it was around seven in the morning and my first thought on my mind after Niall was the letter. I changed into some clothes and grabbed the letter. I went downstairs and walked all the way down to the tree house. I carefully climbed the ladder with the envelope between my mouth. Once I got up, I crawled to the window that looked out into the park that our house backed on to.

I looked at the letter and then breathed in and out heavily. I turned the envelope over and opened it with a slight hesitation. I hesitated not because I wasn’t sure if I was in love, that was the thing I was most certain of, but because I was scared of what my mother would have written in the letter. So with shaky hands I pulled out the letter that was twenty three years old and opened it and read:

Dear Bella,

            When you were born I always wondered if you’d fall in love and I wondered when and how and with whom and I also thought about what I’d say to you when you did fall in love.

I put a lot of thought into this letter because falling in love is tricky. The circumstances are always different because no two people are the same therefore no two situations are the same. They can be similar but not the same. Things can get in the way of love whether it’s a third party or a job or a difference in opinion on what is right and what is wrong. Yes, falling in love is the trickiest business in our world.

For your father and I it was easy. We fell in love quickly and then we got married and had the most beautiful baby in the world. We had you and I know you’ll be a great woman someday. Your father and I got our happy ending and I want you to have a happy ending too.