Too Much To Tell - Markimash

Chapter 12

Aaron's POV

I rolled over, my head was pounding, how much had I drunk last night? The memory was slowly coming back to me, oh god, Mark loves me. I felt ill, I can't believe I ran from Mark, it was so stupid, I knew he was upset, I slammed the palm of my hand into my forehead, god damn it Aaron. I gritted my teeth, what time was it? Would he have left the house? I hoped he was still here, I wanted to hug him, tell him everything would be okay.

I pulled myself from my bed, to where my phone was, on the other side of the room. I looked at the time, it was 1. "Shit" I groaned and slumped in my chair. I noticed a slip of paper on the floor by my door. I wandered over to the door, put my dressing down on, and picked up the folded paper, it was a letter. I lifted it up, slumped on my bed, and looked at the handwriting, it was Mark's, I felt my heart sink I started to read the letter, 

To Aaron,
              Thank you so much for letting me stay with you, and thanks for all the nice food and hospitality. I really appreciate it, I only wish I could've stayed a bit longer.
               And I'm sorry about last night, it just slipped out, I hope you aren't angry or upset, and I hope you can forgive me, I don't expect you'll want to see me again, but I do love you, Aaron, I really do. ♡
Love, Mark

My heart shattered, he really did love me, and I cast him away. I layed on the bed, I really fucked up, would there be any point in calling him? I texted him, but all the texts I sent were read, but never replied to. I sighed heavily, Mark was my best friend, and I ruined what we had. I thought about it, he loved me, it made me feel warm inside, my heart raced, maybe there was something more than friendship?

I needed to work things out, but that meant spending more time with Mark, Shane was my best friend, and so was Mark, but Mark felt different to me, he was special to me. I also needed to talk things over with Jess, did I really love her that much? I found myself asking that question a lot. I did still want her as a friend, she was lovely, caring, and she knew how to cheer people up. I loved to cuddle her, but thinking about Mark made my stomach twist in knots, I didn't get that with Jess. I was so confused, I had to talk to someone, but no one would understand. 

I needed to go for a walk, clear my head. I pulled on some jeans and a hoodie, and left the house. I walked to my local park, and sat on the bench, it felt early for me, but the park was already teeming with life, and kids were running around and smiling. I pulled my hood away from my face and took a deep breath. What exactly had happened last night? I know we had an argument, because I was angry with him, but I hardly remember what happened after he told me he loved me, I was shocked, I couldn't believe it. I guess I should've noticed, with all that had happened, his fast heart rates when we were close, his disappearances to the bathroom to cry secretly.

What if I did love Mark and I just didn't know it? I shook my head, I loved Jess, right? I found myself questioning it again, oh no, Mark cried last night, I made him cry, I felt a sharp pang of guilt in my chest. Wait, Mark gave me a present, I hadn't opened it yet, I almost ran home, I wanted to rip it open, and just hold it forever. I climbed up my stairs and shut my door when I got into my bedroom. Mark's wrapped present was still sat next to my computer screen, I picked it up and sat on my bed. I now noticed the wrapping paper, and the perfect ribbon tied around it. 

I smiled and traced the ribbon around the package. I gently pulled the ribbon loose, and then pulled open the delicately wrapped box. I lifted the lid, my heart skipped a beat, it was a little doll version of me. It looked hand made, it was so cute. I pulled the little doll out the box, and cuddled it to my chest, if I never saw Mark again, this would be all I had left of him. I suddenly felt very alone, is this what Mark has felt for years? I noticed a slip of paper on the bottom of the box, and read the writing,

Just a little thank you present, I made it myself, and I have a little Mark one, so we have matching dolls. :) x

I smiled again, this was the most adorable thing someone had ever done for me. I smelled the doll, it smelled of Mark, suddenly I wanted him here, so we could snuggle on the sofa, suddenly I wanted to be as close to him as possible, I wanted to be skin to skin. I had to talk to Jess, we had to go on a break and sort things out, it would justy be more confusing if I was still going out with her. I didn't want to lose her as a friend, I felt helpless, I had no idea what to do.

I could phone Shane, but I couldn't say maybe I loved Mark, oh yeah and I'm bisexual. It wouldn't work. Maybe I could confide in someone on the internet? I shook it off, that would not be a good idea. I decided to just phone Shane, but I knew I wouldn't be able to tell him about the Mark thing, I'd just ask about how to say to Jess I wanted a break. I phoned and waited for an answer,

"What's up Aaron?" Shane asked, we used to live together, so we were comfortable talking, "I'm alright, I need some really important advice" I stated, coming out with it right away. "What with?" "Well I want to have a break from Jess, for about 6 months, I love her, but I don't see her in that way, I do still wanna be friends, but I just don't feel the same way about her." I sighed. "I don't know what you could do, but I suggest being straight with her, tell her the facts" He advised, he gave me more advice throughout the conversation, before I said I had to go and mull over my options.

I knew one thing for certain, I had to be with Mark, I didn't know the reason why, but suddenly, I couldn't see myself living without him in my life.

~~~ A/N ~~~

This chapter was in Aaron's point of view, but the next chapter will be back to Mark's :-) I uploaded this while watching Mark's farewell charity livestream haha