Too Much To Tell - Markimash

Chapter 15

Shit. Did he really just kiss me? I was so fucking angry. I had to phone Bob, I needed to talk to someone. "Hey Mark" Bob greeted from the other side. "Aaron kissed me" I said and there was a small silence. "What? Was it a dare or something?" "I think so, he's just taking the piss out of me I'm sure." I said. I sighed heavily. "I really think you should talk to him, I don't have any advice, I'm sorry Mark" he muttered, "are you kidding? I'm not going back there!" I spat, then continued, "Christ this is so hard, why did I have to love Aaron?". "I don't know, I really don't know, promise me you won't do anything stupid before you come home?" Bob said, "I promise" I admitted reluctantly. "Well it's 4am here so I think I'm gonna go now, see ya Mark" he said, then hung up.

All the anger and stress finally got to me, and tears fell out of my eyes and onto my lap. I decided to just sleep in my clothes, because I felt too sad to move anymore, and I wrapped the quilt around me, and fell asleep crying. I woke in the morning and packed all my stuff ready to go home. I ended up leaving the hotel at 12, and getting to the airport just on time. Why did everything have to go wrong when I came to England? I thought bitterly. Maybe I couldn't ever live here, maybe I just needed to get over Aaron and "just find someone else". I immediately shook off the idea, when a pain shot through me, from my heart, and my chest seemed to sink. 

This love wasn't even a nice feeling anymore, it was beginning to ache, and I felt like I was drowning. All the words I wish I could say to Aaron were in a chest, that weighed me down and pulled me to the depths of the ocean, where I couldn't breathe. The flight felt like it lasted forever, and I couldn't be happier to be home. I immediately recorded a video, just so I'd have one to upload. I wanted to go to bed early, and sleep a lot, because I didn't really want to wake up again. I took my meds around 10pm, and went to bed at 11pm.

The next few days, Aaron was all I thought about, he hadn't tried to talk to me yet, I couldn't tell what was going through his head. I almost wished I could get over him, even though it felt like I never wanted to get over him. I needed to speak to Dan, so I phoned him and asked to see him. I went later that day, it had been the first time in a few months, and I felt nervous. "Why today?" Dan asked me when I sat down in his consultant room, "what do you mean?" I didn't really understand the question. "Why did you come back, after months of not seeing me, something happened, what?" he explained, I sighed, and began to explain.

"I'm mostly confused though" I said, and Dan nodded, "I don't know whether I love him or not, god damn, I want to have him close to me, I want to love him, but I don't want him to hurt me, I don't want him to lie about loving me". I admitted, and it immediately felt better, after thinking about what I wanted. "You need to speak him, and be honest" Dan said, and I knew he was right. I shook my head, "but how?" I asked in desperation, I felt useless, "you just have to be honest." and I nodded. I didn't even know how I'd manage to speak to Aaron after everything that had happened, things were more awkward than anything. After talking to Dan I went home, and found it hard to sleep, all I could do was think about how to talk to Aaron, and I felt sick thinking about it.

The next morning, I was sleep deprived, and me and Aaron hadn't even tweeted eachother for a whole week. In fact, he hadn't tweeted at all since the kiss, and I was worried, I hoped he was okay. I was so close to phoning him, but I just stopped, how would I ever speak to him again. I groaned and rolled back on my bed, I guess I should make a video. I played a few indie games, then sat down on my bed, and decided what to do next. I couldn't mope over him forever, at some point I would have to move on, even though it seemed like the worst thing to do.

 I couldn't stop thinking about the kiss, when his lips touched mine, it was like a firework went off inside me, but the excitement and happiness turned to anger. I wondered what the markimash shippers were feeling seeing as we hadn't uploaded a collab video in months. I missed that, just being able to skype Aaron and do a video with him. Everything I had with Aaron had gone to waste in the last few weeks. I felt like giving up again, and I felt so low. I should probably call Bob or Wade and tell them, they would want to know. I phoned Wade, and remembered he knew nothing other than that I liked Aaron, so I would have to explain everything up to date. "Here goes nothing" I mumbled, and rang his number.

The conversation was long and uncomfortable, but it helped a lot. "Wade I feel so low, I don't know what to do, the therapy and meds aren't helping, I just want to give up." I blurted out, and Wade was quiet for a few seconds, before he said, "don't you dare give up, too many people care about you for you to just give up. I know it feels like you won't be able to take much more, but don't forget, recovery is always an option." he told me, but I just didn't believe it. My doorbell rang before I could say anything, and I was surprised. I thought I'd answering it while talking to Wade, seeing as it couldn't be that important, it was probably postage or something. "I'm so heartbroken, I have no one, you have Molly, and the person I love mocks me." I argued, and pulled the door open while waiting for a response. 

I  opened the door, and immediately dropped the phone. I was frozen for a moment, "what the fuck are you doing here?" I breathed out, and Aaron looked me cold and hard right in the eyes, "We need to talk.". He pushed passed me and my arm fell from holding the door. He went into my living room, and I didn't move from the doorway. I picked up my phone and hung up from Wade, I guess I'd be talking to someone else for a while.

~~~ A/N ~~~
I know this fanfic is getting quite long, but the end is coming, and I also want to know if any of you guys have twitter? And if you do, comment it and I'll follow you. Thank you for your continued support!x