Acoustic Memories

Untitled Part 11

the clouds

there are so many clouds in the sky that everyone's wondering if there are any at all.

they're sitting on the roof. a roof on a roof that felt big enough to fit only the two of them. the stairs are half broken. 

wendy speaks up first. "clouds or stars?"

casper grins. "whichever is in the sky."

ever so optimistic, wendy thinks. 

"i'm sad," she says. he nods. they're quiet again.

"wanna go for a drive?" he asks her, and she could have sworn in that moment she saw his eyes come back to life- even if it was just for a split second.

"yeah. let's go."

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the daisies

down by her car, (well, technically it was wendy's brother's, but after what happened the previous october, she was pretty sure he'd never touch it again. or talk to her, for that matter, but the car was hers, and for the passing moment that is all she cares about) she plucks a daisy from the ground and puts it on the windshield. 

"we could see how long it lasts," she smiles.

cas picks another and adds it to hers. "it's a competition, then."

they start driving past the small streets into the heart of the town. "the highway?" cas questions.

"yeah, but i want to stop by the bakery first. then i'm driving."

"sure thing," he agrees.

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the apple-pies

casper had always loved the name of the bakery: hodgepodge, but the smell was what really took him to seventh heaven. it smelled like cinnamon and honey and felt like coming home to his mother back when she lived with his family. the smell was supposed to hurt. it didn't. that hurt.

he lets wendy decide. she picks two slices of apple pie and asks for them to be packed. greg packs them without charging her for it, and she smiles at him. cas is absolutely certain that she looks like a collateral mess of stars if they were produced to be tangible.

she winks at cas as they leave the bakery. 

"the perks of being me," she says, without a hint of humor in her voice. 

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the dents in the universe

"the world is simply too big for such a small and greedy person like me," she states as she starts to drive. "i want it all. all of it. starting from butterfly heartbeats to little golden bracelets to exotic food to city roads to elite conversations to chanel perfumes to vintage movies. i want it all for myself and when i'm satisfied, i want to save the world. nothing's ever enough for me, you know?" 

cas doesn't say anything. all he ever wanted was a home to live and enough food and he could be satisfied with what he had.

"i'm not saying i'm taking it all for granted without gratitude," she continues, as if reading his thoughts. "i'm very grateful for this world that i'm getting and the privileges i have. i know i could be much worse and you know i never complain, right?"

 he nods. 

"but at the end of the day i feel that this is not where i belong. the bourgeouis isn't for me. i'm made for the larger and finer things in life. you can call me materialistic and superficial, but that is what i live for. for success and exquisite wine and being able to live in the Royal Penthouse Suite in Geneva without batting an eyelash. but then i realise that i'm.. here, and i'm me, and i can't even afford my college tuition," she exhales.

 "i want to save the world and change people's lives drastically, but all i can do is smile at them, or lend them a ear, or leave a kind note, or buy a beggar food with whatever money i have and it's just never enough for me. i know the universe is large, and the most that humans have ever done is make a few dents in the universe... but it terrifies me to think that i might die without having made atleast one of them."

cas sighs. he could never decide if wendy was a dreamer or just had larger than life fantasies. admitting to the first would say he was hopeless, and admitting to the second would say she was. he didn't want either. 

"i understand," he lies. wendy knew he didn't. 

"you know what," she pulls over to the side. "never mind. we're gonna eat those pies."

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the theories

they don't get out of the car. cas simply takes out the two slices of pie from the brown crumpled paper bag and hands over one to her. "i think it's going to rain," he says, smiling. 

"well, why are the windows not completely down then? you idiot. roll them down!" she's practically squealing. he knew she got excited like a two-year-old whenever it rained. 

the raindrops are threatening to ruin the car seats and the pie they're having when wendy speaks up again.

"what happened between you and kacey?" she asks, with a slight tinge of curiosity lacing her voice.

"you know what happened," he says, turning to her.

"yeah, but like, why? you two got along pretty well, didn't you?" she asks, wiping her lower cheek with the sleeve of her (oversized) sweater.

"yeah. we did. it's just.. hmm. i don't know, gwen. looking back, i guess we both knew this was coming. right from the moment we.. um, met. we knew we both were meant to go different ways, and.. we never forgot that at any moment. we were just like two stupid clockwork creatures counting down to the moment we said goodbye. when we did, it wasn't really a surprise. i wasn't even sad. but it felt horrible because i thought, if there isn't any pain now, was there any love then? but i don't know," he finished lamely.

wendy didn't think it was lame at all. "i think that's kinda beautiful. but there's a fallacy in your argument. this whole.. love should equate pain is a stupid theory. mine is that it never should."

cas wanted to argue that separation should, if not love, but he waited to long for her to continue, and then the silence had dragged too long. 

they just finished their pies and climbed back into their car.

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