House MD Fanfiction

Proper Attention

Hilson, eventual smut, 24,040 words
By: brage

File in hand, House reached for the door to treatment room two.  Turning the knob, he pushed his way into the room expecting to see a person waiting for him, not the other way around.  There was no place in the small room for anyone to be hiding, so he sighed dramatically and turned to walk out the way he’d come in.  Wilson suddenly blocked his path stepping inside and closing the door behind him. 

House gestured toward the empty room with a flourish of his hand.  “I can see you haven’t completed the tour yet, but there is no patient here, so…”  House went to move toward the door again only to be blocked once more.

“The patient is here.  You’re the patient.”

House quirked an eyebrow and looked at the name on the, apparently, faux file the nurse had handed him.  “Oscar Wilde.”  He nodded in appreciation.  “Spouse is Dorian Grey.”  He turned and tossed the file into the nearby garbage can.  “Perfect.”

“You didn’t drink any coffee this morning at breakfast.”

“So what.  I wasn’t thirsty.”

“Thirst has nothing to do with drinking coffee.”

“Ah, yes … highly diagnostic criteria has been met.  What’s the DDx, Doctor?”

Nonplussed, Wilson listed his friend’s additional symptoms.  “I interrupted you in the bathroom yesterday and you flushed as soon as I’d walked in.  I don’t think you had just finished though.  I think you couldn’t go.”

House hung his head.  “I’m fine …”

“And you are leaning more heavily on your cane.  Obviously you’re in more pain than usual.”

“Wilson, I’m fine.”  He insisted.  “I am trying to cut back on the caffeine and my leg is more painful because this case is …”

Wilson interrupted him before he could finish his rant.  “What I don’t understand is why you didn’t just tell me you were having problems urinating again.   You tell me when your leg pain is worse, you came to me when you broke your hand, when you need a refill on your Vicodin.  You don’t have issues telling me when you have something going on.  So I thought maybe it was because this situation would require a more personal exam, but then you told me about your urinary retention when it happened last year.  It makes no sense.  Why are you hiding?”

House eyed him skeptically.  “You’re not cornering me because you noticed I didn’t drink coffee this morning.”  Deflecting like a true pro, House glared at him with steely eyes.

Wilson squirmed.  “Did too.”

“No, you didn’t.  We are here because that fink, Goldstein ratted me out.”

“House …” Wilson shifted his weight and put his hands on his hips.  “Not true … I …”

“Bullshit!  He called you.”

Wilson sighed.  “Fine, it’s true.  Doesn’t make me any less worried about you.”

“Yeah, sure, now that some pretentious UROLOGIST has pointed out exactly what issue you might be worried about.  Afraid I might actually make him diagnose his way out of a paper bag.  He came to you crying that the big bad wolf was coming to visit?”

“I’m your primary care physician, he was …”

“He was nervous.”

“Well … you don’t play well with others.”

“Well, you lured me here under false pretense.”

“What?”

“The supposed symptoms you noticed.  You didn’t notice any of it until AFTER Goldstein said something which means all of it can be chalked up to your own imagination.  It’s all circumstantial.”