House MD Fanfiction

A River In Egypt

Hilson, smut, medium

By: magie_05

His Amber issues not withstanding, Wilson really was remarkably squeamish when it came to another man's bodily functions.

Here was a guy who spent his days examining stool samples and scraping out uterine cells with a glorified spoon – and yet, he became aghast with disgust at the thought of seeing House naked.

Frankly, House was starting to take it personally.

"Oh, god!" Wilson said by way of greeting one morning, right after he walked into Amber's former shrine to find House studiously contemplating the ceiling with the blanket up around his shoulders. "Can you go one day without - " he made a spastic, painful-looking hand gesture that made one wonder about Wilson's own masturbatory rituals.

"Can you knock?" House shifted his hands from their resting place (on his chest) and looked curiously across the room. "If you're that grossed out by the prospect of a little male bonding – "

"I yelled! You didn't answer!" Wilson's posture indicated that he was just barely managing not to vomit all over the rug. "It's eight-thirty. Are you getting up?"

House smirked. "You really want to know?"

Wilson grimaced and shuddered his way down the hall, still making loud sounds of indigestion.

Clearly, this was a puzzle well worth investigating.

He waited until he heard the blow dryer.

"Uh, can I help you?" Wilson spat, the moment he landed from the three-foot pirouette he'd performed at the sound of the bathroom door.

House took off his shirt, catching Wilson's eyes in the mirror. "If you want to," he shrugged, and started to untie his pants.

"Wh – what are you doing?" Wilson actually sputtered, the hairdryer laying forgotten on the sink.

"Taking a shower?" He stoically undid the drawstring and started sliding them down his hips -

"NOW?" Wilson held up a hand as if blinded by the horror. "I'll be out in ten minutes!"

"So you should have woken me up in ten minutes." The pants pooled around his ankles and he grabbed at the elastic of his shorts. "Relax; it's nothing you haven't seen before."

"Yeah, when you were unconscious and being cathed!" Wilson was in full 'spaz' mode, shoulders hunched and grimacing. "Not..." he made another completely random hand gesture and shuddered again, "post-'bonding.'"

The underwear slipped another two inches down House's hips.

"Okay, okay!" Wilson covered his eyes and turned around. "Just get in there!"

House mulled over this reaction under hot water, smirking to himself when he heard Wilson firmly close the bathroom door on his way out.

Over the next several days, he made sure to take exceptionally long showers, leave the bedroom door ajar while he undressed, and walk around with a look of dazed contentment on his face.

By Friday, he had Wilson cautiously peering around corners before entering any room in his apartment.

"Why are you so paranoid?" House asked from his place on the sofa, enshrouded in a blanket with his knees apart, the remote creating a conspicuous lump against his thigh.

"Why?" Wilson was going to give himself whiplash if he kept freaking out like that. "You've got your hands down your pants more than every fifteen-year-old boy in the state!"