House MD Fanfiction

Fucking Idiot

Hilson, self-hatred, 1,847 words
By: Hoothootowls

"I...I uh I don't think we should be friends anymore." House ends up blurting the words out and pauses before quickly adding "I'm sorry." Not waiting for a response he opens the door to leave.

"Wait! House!" Wilson stumbled up reaching out in a futile way to stop House. Who ignores his calls and only fastens his limp.

House didn't want to hear what Wilson had to say. He might convince him to turn back around and pretend this never happened, to continue their friendship.

House couldn't do that. Not to Wilson, not anymore. Oh how he wanted to do it though. To continue to be Wilson's best friend and enjoy every last second of it.

But in the end House was the only one who really enjoyed it all. All he did to Wilson was annoy him and hurt him because House is just a despicable guy yet Wilson stayed his friend. It confused House but it also made House happy.

Yes happy. House was actually happy with Wilson. Pretty much the only time he could enjoy himself and not worry about much.

It was all different with Wilson though. House bet Wilson usually only felt anger and disappointment while hanging out with House but he continues just because he's a nice guy.

Maybe that's something House actually resents secretly. Because Wilson is such a good guy he continues his destructive friendship with House and forces himself to go through so much trouble.

Trouble just for Houses sake. House hates it all.

Why can't Wilson just ditch him? Why can't Wilson ditch him and stick with it? House deserves that kind of harsh treatment. He deserves to be left alone and rot in his own misery.

He doesn't actually know what's worse. Wilson leaving him alone and House to hate himself because he know he deserved it yet still wishes to be close to the man. Or to continue the friendship and know Wilson is suffering because of him.

He's such a selfish guy to want to continue his friendship with Wilson and he can't stand himself for it.

House can't really stand himself for a lot of things but that reason is at the top.

"House look at me!" Wilson shouts forcing House back to reality.

Back to the world where Wilson is no longer his friend again. And that hurts but he's glad because that means Wilson doesn't have to, well deal with him again.

House refuses to meet Wilson's gaze.

What does he even want? They're over so Wilson doesn't have to talk to him anymore. Can't he just leave House alone so he could go home, sit down and drink maybe do something to forget everything. At least for a little while?

Of course not because House's life isn't suppose to be easy. He's suppose the go threw as much suffering as possible.

He forces himself to look at Wilson. He already pressed the elevator button anyway.

House wishes he didn't make the choice to look at Wilson again.

Because for some unknown reason Wilson actually looks hurt. Like he isn't glad to be rid of House and all his bullshit.

"House?"

Oh shit Wilson even sounds hurt. That's not good. What the fuck did House do this time? God dammit he wasn't even trying; he was actually trying not to. But then again House doesn't ever really try it just happens.

House hates himself so much for it. He just hurts people without his own consent, he doesn't think before he does something and then it's too late to take it back. So he doesn't apologize for what he's done because he doesn't deserve anyone's forgiveness.