House MD Fanfiction

In the Closet

Hilson, smut, voyeurism, Medium
By: magie_05

Lucas had been willing to accept that House's subconscious had nailed his girlfriend.

Really, the guy had been hooked on painkillers at the time, and he'd even been locked up in the nuthouse for it, months after his employee's suicide and not even a year after going through all that shit with Wilson. Anybody could snap and fantasize about something as dramatic as doing Lisa Cuddy.

It happened to Lucas all the time.

But seriously, House had been being sort of a dick for no reason lately. It wasn't Lisa's fault that she hadn't slept with him in real life. And even if it sort of half-was, that didn't give House the right to be a jerk to her over it. He was getting a little tired of always being able to tell when House and Lisa had just had some sort of run-in. She became all cold and distant and more likely to go into long, screechy, ball-shriveling tirades about small domestic issues, like...bread. 

It was the thing with the photograph that prompted action.

Seriously, House could only use the 'I'm crazy' excuse for so long before it just got annoying. So Lucas, like any good boyfriend, followed him home from the hospital.

He thought it was weird enough that House took a detour to some place in the suburbs on the way and then didn't even go inside, but it was even weirder when he drove back into the city and led Lucas to a familiar-looking part of town. 

Familiar, because he'd been there not two weeks earlier. 

So House was the one who had bought Lisa's top pick out from under them. As much of an ass as House was, this move still seemed out-of-character, too diabolical even for him. She had even called her mom about this place.

Lucas considered going straight home and bringing Lisa back here so she could see for herself...

...but then he thought about what it would be like being in an enclosed space with her when she found out.

So, instead, he just put a possum in House's bathtub.

He'd wanted to get a skunk, but those things were way harder to catch. He'd had a couple of bags of Corn Nuts in the glove compartment and a plastic bag in the floorboard. The hardest part was finding a box big enough to keep the thing in until Wilson and House both left for work the next morning. 

Then it was simply a matter of dressing up like a maintenance worker and picking a few locks. 

He felt much better afterwards, and it was much easier to help Lisa keep a level head once he'd forced a little karma.

Hearing that House and Wilson were squabbling over it, however, made the whole thing more interesting.

Obviously he needed a redo if House was enjoying this. He'd simply had to sneak back in and loosen the bathtub's safety bars, if just out of morbid curiosity. Sort of a bitch move to do that to a handicapped guy, but that was the point: it would be worth it to see if House blamed Wilson for it and what his retaliation would be. 

Honestly, he didn't expect for House and Wilsonboth to come home in the middle of the day. 

He'd retreated to the nearest open doorway the moment he heard the key in the front door, inwardly relieved that he'd remembered to re-lock the door on his way in. It was always awkward getting caught searching someone's home; he'd lost more clients that way. 

The room he found himself in was neat and vaguely stylish and free of boxes, so obviously it was Wilson's. He ducked into the closet, screwdriver in hand, thinking that House and Wilson were probably just taking their lunch breaks so surely he wouldn't be here long -