Skin & bones || Otto Wood

Chapter 13

A week has past and the boys have went back to Awsten's house. Otto would come over almost every other day to check up on me and see how I am. If he was really busy, he would call. It was very lonely at my house, but I was also kind of happy to be by myself. I get a lot of things done when I'm by myself. I cleaned up my house, payed all of my bills, and started going back to the gym. It's been two months since I've been to the gym, and I really needed to go back. I've started to pay more attention to what I ate again. I started dieting, but not a lot. I just cut out the unhealthy food. Otto and I are suppose to go out on a date today. Everything has changed ever since we officially started dating. Geoff and Awsten were actually happy that we were together. They both said that Otto was the perfect match for me and that I was perfect for Otto. I don't understand how I could be perfect for him though. My phone dinged and brought me out of my daze. It was a text from someone named Rebecca. I was puzzled. I don't remember having a friend named Rebecca. I don't even remember having friends period. I opened the test and read it.

Rebecca : hey Jessica. You probably don't remember me, but we met at the bar about a week ago. I was just wondering if you would like to hang out? I would understand if you wouldn't.

All the memories from that night came back and I remembered her.

Jessica:  oh hey. Yeah I'll be able to hangout today, but I have plans around 7.

Rebecca: okay that's great. Meet me in front of the Starbucks on 55th street around 3.

It was only 1:30 so I had lots of time to get ready. That Starbucks was a little far from my apartment, but not too far. I sat on my couch and continued to watch tv. My stomach growled, but I wasn't really hungry. I didn't eat anything yet today. I'm not starving myself again, it's just that I'm not tired. I examined all the scars on my wrist. The memories flooded me all at once. Tears started forming in my eyes. How did I let myself get that bad? Why did I let myself get to that point? I walked to my bathroom and looked at myself. I gave each part of my body that was visible in the mirror an inspection. I backed away further so my stomach was visible. I pulled my shirt up and looked at my stomach. I sucked in and then pushed out. Back then, my rib cage was visible without me even sucking in. Now, you can't even see them when I suck in. I start pinching at all of my fat. I've gained so much weight. I'm so fat. I look horrible. What happened to the tiny little person that I was? I got up and started searching through my house trying to find my scale. Otto hidden it from me when he found out about everything. He probably thrown it away a long time ago. I had to check my weight. The anticipation was killing me. I quickly threw on some clothes and drove to the closest store, which was only about fiv minutes away. I ran inside and looked for the scales. They were all the way in the back of the store. I bought the scale and went straight home. I opened up the box, put in the batteries, and got on the scale. It said that I weighed 132.6lbs. How? How did I let myself get to this? I was once 95 pounds. I gained 37.6 pounds in the matter of two months. I wanted to just destroy everything in sight, including me. I ran to my bed and looked underneath it to find The Bag. I pulled it out and stared at all of the blades. I knew what I wanted to do, but I didn't want to do it. I just recovered over everything, but I can't live knowing that I'm a fat cow. I took a blade out and gazed at the shiny metal. I deserve this, I really do deserve this. I couldn't cut on my arm because it would be very obvious. I pulled down my pants to exspose my cellulite covered thighs, and saw all my old battle wounds displayed over my them. I gently put the blade next to one of the scars. I hesitated for a while, knowing that if I do this, I may not want to stop. I took a deep breath and slowly dragged the blade across my thigh. I forgotten how bad it hurt, but yet I liked the pain. The pain felt good. One cut went to three, and three went to seven. I soon had ten fresh new cuts on my upper thigh. I cleaned them all up and then layer in bed. That was emotionally and mentally draining for me. I glared at my ceiling fan spinning round and round. Just watching that made me tired. My eyes were getting heavier and heavier, until they were completely closed.

I was fast asleep until I heard the creek of my door opening and the feeling of my bed sinking in. I turned around to find Otto laying in the bed looking at.

"Shit Otto. What the fuck are you doing here. And don't do that, you nearly scared me to death." I said fully awake now.

"Well, I texted you telling you that I was coming over to pick you for our date, but you didn't answer. I assumed that you were already ready, so I came over. I knocked on the door and no one answered. I was starting to worry, so I let myself in. Are you okay?"

I didn't realize that I slept that long. I then remembered my plans that I had with Rebecca. I feel bad for standing her up like that.

"Oh I'm so sorry. And yeah I'm perfectly fine. I was just really tired. I was only meant to sleep for about an hour, but I guess I slept longer than that."

"It's okay babe. We can just stay here if you want. I'll pop some popcorn and we can watch some movies." He said while walking into the kitchen.

I started searching for a movie to watch while he popped the popcorn. My appetite was gone, so I wasn't going to eat any. I sat up in bed but winced from the pain that was coming from my thigh. Otto doesn't know about this. He would be heartbroken if he found out that I'm doing this. I can't let him find out. He walked back in my room with a bowl full of popcorn.

"Okay, what movie did you pick out?"

"Um how about White Chicks. I'm really in the mood for a comedy."

"Okay that's good."

He sat down next to me and we started the movie. He put the popcorn between us and watched the movie. My mind was bombarded with to many things for me to pay attention to the movie.

"You want some popcorn?" Otto asked handing me the bowl.

"Oh no thanks."

He just shrugged and continued eating. The movie was almost over and I was already falling back to sleep. Otto looked at me and wrapped his arm around me.

"Hey we can go to sleep if you want. You don't have to stay up and watch the movie if you are tired."

I nodded and placed my head on top of his chest. Hi leaned down and kissed the top of my forehead. I peered back at him and kissed his lips. They were soft as always. The kiss was filled with passion and love. His hand started moving down towards my thigh. I quickly jumped once he touched my thigh.

"What, what's wrong?" He said a look of concern and puzzled washed over his face.

"I'm just not in the mood to do all of that tonight. I'm really tired. Goodnight babe." I kissed his check and then turned around.

"Um goodnight." He said.

He kept the tv on and continued watching tv. He turned it down low to where he could here it, but it wasn't too much of a distraction. I felt so bad for rejecting Otto like that. I really wanted him, but he would have seen the cuts. I hate keeping secrets from him. It really hurts me, but it will hurt me even more if he found out. My eyes closed and I soon went back to bed.