Skin & bones || Otto Wood

Chapter 9

Today was the day I go into the mental hospital. I'm really nervous and scared. I don't want to go through recovery, but Otto wants me to, so I have to. I can't let him down. The first thing they did when I arrived was stick a bunch of IVs in. This lady then asked me questions about how long I was cutting and starving myself. She could see the cuts on my wrist but not my thighs. I had to take my clothes off so she could see me. This felt very invasive, but I had to. She saw all the scars on my thighs and just sighed. I then had to get on the scale. I was 96 pounds. According to her, a person my age and height should be at least 124-111. Who is she to tell me how much I should weigh. I could weigh whoever much I want to. She then gave me this ugly hospital night gown and took me to this room. The room had a bed, two small dressers, and a tv. I did have a window, but that was bared off so I couldn't escape.

"You will be staying in this room for as long as it takes to get you better. There is times that you will be able to get out and roam around, but a nurse will always be by your side', The nurse said. "Nurse Cathy will be in here in about 15 minutes to start your first feeding."

She then left the rom and locked the door. I felt like a wild animal stuck at the zoo. I just wanted to be out. I laid in the bed and stared at the ceiling.Tears rolled down my eyes. Why am I here? I don't want to be here. I shouldn't be here, I should be at home with Otto. Wait, Otto is the reason I am here. Otto got me here. If it wasnt for him, I wouldn't be here. He was only trying to help me though, I can't get mad at him. I just laid in the very uncomfortable bed and stared at the ceiling. About ten minutes latter, a lady, who I assume is nurse Cathy walks in. She looked pretty familiar.
"Hi dear, it's time to eat."
I hate eating, I hate anything that involves consuming calories.
"I don't want to, I'm not hungry."

"We'll miss Jessica, if you don't eat, I will have to hook you up and force feed you through a tube."

"You can't do that. You can't force me to eat. You can't force me to do anything."

"Yes I can, that's my job sweetie. You think you're strong, but you're not. Those little voices controlling you wants you dead. Ana wants you dead. I know all about this anorexia thing and what you guys do. Ana is not going to win, you are. Now please, have a seat and start eating."

"No! I will not eat. Ana doesn't want me to die, she just wants me to be beautiful and you are stopping that from happening."

She sat in the chair across from my bed and stared me down.
"If you don't eat, you will die. I don't think Otto would like that."

"How do you know about Otto? Anyways I don't care about him, he's trying to make me fat."

"No he's not, Otto is trying to help you become healthy. Otto is just trying to help. "

"He's not trying to help, he doesn't care about me. If he did care, I wouldn't be here."

"Honey, if Otto didn't bring you to the hospital he would be a really cruel person, and you would've died. Otto does care about you. He loves you Jessica, he wants to see you get better. He doesn't want to see you hurt. Please, if you're not going to get better for yourself , get better for Otto."

I stared at the floor and thought about it. Does Otto really love me, or is she making this up just to make me eat. No one would love me. My own parents don't even love me, so what makes you think that some stranger will love me.
"How do you think Otto will feel receiving the news that you died?"

"He would probably be sad."

"Yes he would. If you don't eat, you will die, and Otto will be sad."
I walked up to where she had the food. It was two pieces of toast with sliced oranges. I picked up the plate and stared at it. I was pretty hungry so I started eating. I ate all of it within three minutes.

"That's good. This was breakfast. In about three hours, we will bring you some more food. Since you ate, you can walk around the building. But I have to be with you at all times."

I agreed and we started walking. The building was actually pretty big. We walked around the halls, went to the secret n and third floor, and went outside to the little park they had. I got to learn a lot about Cathy. She has actually went through anorexia herself, except hers was worse than mine. She said it started when people was making fun of her weight. She wanted to be the skinniest person wherever she was. If someone was skinnier than her, she would cry and just starve herself more. When she was in recovery , she would fight the nurses and curse them out. Sometimes she would take the IV out her arm and stab the nurses with them. I was really surprised that she did this, she doesn't seem like a really violent person. She said that Ana changed her , Ana made her a monster who would hurt anyone if they made her eat. She said it took her about seven years to recover . She would keep relapsing and go back to starving herself, but her friends would get her help.

"So, what made you start?."

"Well, it all started when I had this boyfriend named Nicholas. I really loved him and I gave him everything. He started paying attention to more girls so I thought that losing weight would make him pay more attention to me. I had problems with my weight way before we even dated, I decided that now was the time to take care of things.things got out of control and now I've been battling this for five years."

"You're 23 years old Jessica. You have a whole life in front of you. I thought that going through recovery would just make me fat, but I'm glad. Went through with it. Now I have a husband and three lovely kids. Imagine what your life could be if you go through with this."

I stared into the sky and just imagined what my life would be like. Then I heard a alarm go off.

"Looks like its time for lunch. Let's go."

We walked back to my room and she brought some food. This time it was a small salad with a granola bar. I gladly ate it. Nurse Cathy left and I started watching tv. There wasn't really a lot of channels to choose from. You could either watch the news, the Christian channel, or old cartoons. I just decided to watch the old cartoons. Scooby doo , the flint stones , and tom and jerry came on. It was pretty fun. Three more hours past and it was time for me to eat again. I felt bad eating, but I just imagine seeing Otto after I get out of recovery. I imagine how happy he would be to see me healthy again. Otto is the only reason why I'm going through this.