Skin & bones || Otto Wood

Chapter 19

"You can't do this to yourself Jessica.You have to eat."

I was arguing with nurse Cathy.Today is supposedly my last day here. I've been at the mental hospital for 2 months and a half. Everything was going fine up until I relapsed. I started to make myself throw up and refused to eat. Nurse Cathy placed my meal on the desk in front of me.

"Why are you doing this. Today was supposed to be your last day, but it is obvious you aren't ready.It's not hard Jessica. All you need to do is eat and stop worrying about everything."

"I'm just not hungry. Now can you please leave, I just want to go to bed."

"I can't leave until I see that you attempted to eat , and I have to make sure you don't throw it up."

I let out a big groan and grabbed the plate. I hesitated a little, but then I started to eat. This was my last meal for today, so I might as well just eat it and get it over with. I turned my head to find nurse Cathy staring at the floor as if in deep thought.

"Why such the intense stare?"

She jumped a little and looked back at me.

"Sorry, it's just... never mind."

"No please tell me. You can't just lead me on and then drop it. What's on your mind?"

"It's none of your concerns Jessica. You're the patient not me. Now please eat."

I ate the rest of my food and nurse Cathy brought her gaze back to the floor.

"I may be the patient, but that doesn't mean I can't help out. What's wrong?"

She let out a big sigh and turned to me. There was tears in her eye.

"I'm not suppose to tell you this yet, but you need to know now.The doctors said that there is a huge chance that... that."

"That what? There's a huge chance that what?" I halfway screamed.

"There is a big chance that you might not make it, especially with the lack of process we are making. The test we took two weeks ago showed that you heart is really week. If you keep doing what you are doing, the doctors predict that you will die in three weeks."

Two weeks ago they brought me to the hospital because I was having major chest pains.

"You're heart isn't getting enough blood. The lack of blood is from iron deficiency and lack of nutrients. You have to eat Jessica. I know I'm just a nurse, but I've gotten so close to you. I can't just see you slowly kill yourself. How do you think Otto will feel knowing that you died?"

The thought of Otto receiving the news that I died pains me.

"Will I have a chance of living if I start eating?"

"I don't even know. The doctors are just saying that we should be expecting it in three weeks. I just can't deal with this. I've dealt with a lot of deaths, but you, I just can't see you die."

"Wait, why couldn't you tell me this? When were you even suppose to tell me? When did you find out?"

"I don't know. They just told me to wait until tomorrow, which I didn't really understand. Why would they have me tell you on the day we were supposed to release you? You were obviously not even ready to be released, but yet they were just going to let you go. Those bastards don't even know how to do their job.  I was told this today when I was walking back here."

She finally started to break down into tears, and so did I. We both embraced each other into a hug. I know in the past that I wanted death to be my fait, but I don't want that anymore. I didn't think that it was this bad. Nurse Cathy stood up, wiped her tears, and fixed her outfit.

"Please keep fighting. Fight for me, fight for Otto, just stay alive."

She then took the plate and left. Why leave now. Why leave me in this emotional state. I messed up again. I messed up big time. The doctors don't even expect me to live even if I eat. Tears streamed down my face. What have I done? I'm going to leave Otto, Geoff, and Awsten behind. They will never get to say goodbye. I will never get to say goodbye. I then thought about my family. I never even fixed my bond with them. Will they even get the news that I died? Do they even know if I'm still alive? Do they even care? I haven't seen them in 7 years. My therapist told me I should visit my parents and fix everything between us. How would I do that if I'm going to die in 3 weeks. The room was filled with my sobs. A nurse, who I didn't recognize, walked in and came to comfort me. She asked what was wrong, but I just shrugged it off and said I was tired. She stayed in my room until I went to sleep. There's a big possibility that I won't live to see Otto or anyone else. I'm going to end up dying in this building. I could try to fight my way through this, but even the doctors said that it probably wouldn't work. I just kept picturing Otto's fave when he receives the news. The thought of it made me lose my mind. I managed to let out a tear even though I was asleep. What am I going to do?