Skin & bones || Otto Wood

Chapter 7

~~3 weeks later~~
It's been about a week since I've spoken to Otto, and it sucks. I'm back to being all alone now. The good thing is that I lost weight. I used to be 100 pounds, but now I'm 95 pounds. I've been on a water fast for two days now. This will really help me lose more weight. I've been getting a lot of hunger pains, but cutting would take my mind off of it. I was feelinf kind of stuffy lately, so I decided to go penny boarding. I usually don't ride my penny board often, but I just felt like going outside today. I mostly go to the park that's about 2 blocks away from me. I was pretty weak from not eating, but I sucked it up and kept going. I finally arrived at the park. The park was a really beautiful. There was a big pond in the middle of it . I would always just go there and watch the ducks. It was very calming , and it helped stop my suicidal thoughts. If I were to kill myself, I would do it at this park at night. I would love for this scenery to be my last thing I see. I observed the people all around the park, looking at how amazing there life seemed. I saw a little girl and her parents playing by the swing set. I then thought about my family. I haven't seen them in 5 years. It's actually quit a long story as to why I don't visit them. It all started when I was 17. I was dating Nicholas. Nicholas was really into marijuana during that time. I was always curious about weed, so when he offered it to me, I didn't hesitate. My first high was amazing. I soon relied on weed to make me happy, so I asked Nicholas to show me his dealer. I would buy it and smoke it when my parents weren't around.  I was always careful until my parents one day caught me. They kicked me out of the house and I started living with Nicholas. His parents kicked him out when he was 16, so him and his stoner buddies got a house together. This was when everything went bad and my anorexia started. I started tearing up thinking about the past. I never talked to my parents ever since they kicked me out. The only way I kept up with them was Facebook , and I don't really go on there that often. I was snapped out of my thoughts when I heard someone scream my name in the distance. I looked around and I couldn't really see anything because of my tears. I didn't know that I was crushing that bad. I wiped my tears from my eyes and saw Otto walking towards me.
"Hey Jessica, it's been a long time since we've seen each other. How are you?" He took a seat right next to me on the bench.
"Oh, I'm fine." I said quietly. My voice obviously gave away that I was crying.
"What's wrong? Do you want to talk about it?" Otto asked.
"No, why would you care? You don't know anything about me."
"I do care. I really do care. I've been worried about you for these past three weeks Jessi. And yes, I don't know anything about you, but I always have time to learn."
I just sighed and gazed off into the sky.
"I was just thinking about my past. I'm not really ready to share it without balling my eyes out. Let's just say my decisions that I mad were really bad."
"Everyone makes bad decisions. We just have to learn from them and move on."
"Well it's pretty hard for me to move on."
I then noticed that he was staring at wrist. I wasn't wearing a jacket to cover up the scars.
"Why do you do that to yourself? You're too beautiful to do that jess."
"I'm not beautiful Otto, I'll never be. And you'll never understand why I do this. You don't know that pain I go through everyday, you don't know the thoughts that race in my mind. You don't know anything." I was sobbing by now.
He'll never understand. Otto just scooted in closer and embraced me in his arms.
"I will understand Jessi, I will. I can help you get through this if you just talk to me. "
I couldn't really speak. Violent thoughts started racing through my mind. I don't deserve someone as caring as Otto. Why is he even wanting to help me? He wouldn't be able to. Ive been broken so many times, that there is no way you can fix me. My cries soon became little sniffles.
"Hey, I think I'm going to go home now." I said while getting up.
"Oh, I'll walk you home."
"You don't have to, I got it."
"No it's okay, I don't mind."
We both started our voyage to my apartment. While walking, we shared some stuff about each other, well, Otto mostly did the talking. He talked about his childhood and about his band. I just listened.
"C'mon jess, you said I don't know anything about you, knows your time to tell me."
"What do you want me to talk about? How I'm anorexic bitch who just can't cope with the world, so she just cuts herself." I whispered. I must have said that out loud, cause Otto stopped walking and stared at me. He was speechless.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say that out loud."
"Why do you do this to yourself. Your slowly killing yourself jess. You need to stop this."
"How Otto? How can I stop this. I've been going through this for five years. Five fucking years. I can't just stop this. I'm sorry but there's no hope."
"Yes there is. There is hope. I can help you get through this. I hate seeing like this. I know we only really knew each other for a month, but I just hate seeing you so worn down and broken. I want to help fix you. I will do any and everything to fix you."
We just stood there staring at each other in silence.
"How are you going to fix me?"
"I don't know, but I'll find a way."
We finally arrived at my apartment. I let Otto in and we both just kind of sat there in silence.
"Your place is really nice." He said breaking the silence.
"Thanks."
I turned on my tv to just some random channel.
"So.. you want anything to drink. I only have water and green tea."
"I'll have water."
I got him some water, and I fixed myself some green tea.we then sat down and talked.
"So, my band I are going on tour. I'm kind of nervous for some reason, but I'm also very excited."
"Why are you nervous? You guys are really good. You would do fine."
"Oh, so you did listen to us. What's your favorite song?"
"I would probably have to go with silver , pink, crave, mad all the time, territory, I'm a natural blue, and new wave."
"Wow, you like a lot of our stuff. That's pretty cool. You're definitely going to love our new album. I can't wait to release it."
"Me too. You guys are really good."
I looked at my clock and saw that it was already 9:37.
"Wow, time went by fast."
"Yeah, it sure did. Well I have to head back home. It was fun hanging out."
"Really, I mean, all I did was cry and talk about my dark past. I'm pretty sure that wasn't fun."
"That doesn't matter, I had fun just being with you."
I just smiled and hid my face. I walked Otto out of my apartment.
"You sure you don't want me to drive you home, I don't mind."
"No, it's okay. I'll see you later Jessi."
He walked up to me and gave me a big hug. His arms rested around my waist. We just stood there for what seemed forever, but was only about 30 seconds. He then let go and started walking home. I wished he didn't have to leave. I really enjoyed him. I started falling more and more for him. He was the first person who ever cared to help me and just listen to me. I walked inside and took my shower. I had my phone on shuffle and silver came on. I just started singing along. I finally got out and laid in bed. My phone went off and I checked to see who it was.
Otto: hey, I just wanted to let you know that I made it home safely. Everything will get better, trust me. I'll be there for you no matter what. We will fight these demons off together. Anyway goodnight my angel. I love you❤.

No one has ever told me they loved me in a long time. The last time I heard that was when I was with Nicholas, but he never meant it. I then texted him back

Jessica: thanks for being there for me. Goodnight Otto. I love you too❤

I never felt these feelings in a while. I'm starting to fall head over heals for him. We only known each other for a month, but it feels like we've known each other for a while. It's so weird that a guy like him would want to stay around and help out a girl like me. He has so much good things ahead of him. Why would he want to help out a girl who's life is a big pile of shit. All I'm going to do is bring him down. I laid down in my bed and just read over the message over and over, the same question repeating in my head. Does Otto really love me? My eyes soon started getting heavy, and I was soon asleep.