Love Never Ends [Watty Awards 2012]

Chapter 4: Ice Cold Ignorance, A Glimpse of His Past and Focusing to God

Chapter 4: Ice Cold Ignorance, A Glimpse of His Past and Focusing Ourselves to God

By the time we came back to church and get very active again I was still dating my first boyfriend that time. I always talk to him almost daily in the phone.

Sometimes, Blake even tries to ask for my number and I give it once, twice but only by the time he sends me some messages I don’t respond to it anymore, especially when he asks how I am doing.

But all I do was ignore him.

I was so focused to my boyfriend that time I don’t even care about anything that my pocket spends and any time I am free I always meet my boyfriend.

Blake? Who cares about him?

That is why those attractions were not effective to me in those times since I had a boyfriend.

Sometimes Blake would call me while my boyfriend is on the other line and I just say some excuse just to hang up.

After some time I realized indeed that my relationship with my boyfriend was going nowhere. I spend most of our dates and he has no job.

Admit it, he’s 5 years older than me, I’m a fresh graduate of college and newly board passer, and for him, he’s been jobless for a long time.

It was time for me to accept the fact that I have to end the relationship or else I’ll be heading to nowhere also.

Indeed I had the right time. I was so busy in the church activities, big event preparations and even my job that results to give very little time with my boyfriend.

No dates.

No texts.

Nor even calls.

And as if he does not mind at all.

He won’t even top up load to communicate with me.

I had the right moment to meet up and from there I decided to end the relationship

I was in tears for a while but I still thank God that He is with me the whole time.

Truly God is our Comforter in times of trouble and sadness He helped me prepare the ending of the relationship which made it easier for me to move on.

I said to myself that after this boyfriend I will let my heart rest and recover for some time. I focused myself to God, church, family and work that my heartaches also were gone and I also ignore guys and dates.

Summer came of the following year after the first time we came. It was a Sunday, the 13th day of March and water baptism was held.

Testimonies from the people to be baptized were told by the associate pastor and their testimonies are based from the point of view before they go to the water.

Blake was one of the people to be baptized.

I found out his past was way different than I thought it was

At his early age entering puberty he already learned vices. He was already smoking a pack of cigarettes per day, taking marijuana and can even stand drinking alcohol together with the adults already. In addition to that he already dated a lot of ladies, younger and even older of his age.

Ladies?

I can believe that he dated a lot of girls. With his height and handsome face, I know he could attract girls

Vices?

That one I don’t want to think about it.

I thought he was only a quiet person who would love sports and maybe computer games.

But having vices that could compare with the adults? That one I cannot believe it.

I never really knew about the truth of his life.

I only knew he had this nerve problem resulting to blurring of vision and partial blindness in his eyes. But I never knew his background of his past.

I don’t really care that time if I believe it or not.

It was my choice to believe it or not.

I thought to myself again, what if Mr Nice and Cute-faced Blake would really do that?

It’s hard to believe actually.

 But if he did and everything was indeed real, I know it won’t be easy for him.

But with his faith and love of God, I know he could really take the 180 degree turn of his life erasing the bad past and replacing it with a bright future with God.

My judgmental self was not judging enough not thinking to check him out and even ask if those things were real.

But it’s a testimony of his life; it won’t be a testimony if everything were all lies.

Only what I see now, looking at him from afar, listening to his testimony is that he is to prepare for greater things to come. It is much different after the baptism.

During those times it was not only I who was ignoring Blake, he was also ignoring me. Those persistent messages and phone calls which I never respond to stopped and including his warm greetings to me.

I was very much serious in the things that I have to do and likewise with him since he is already a member of the special ministry of the church. He was so passionate with God that he sometimes would call his close friend to inquire the word of God and even ask our Senior Pastor for more Word.

I, on the other hand was going to different places with the team of the special ministry.

Taking care of the beautiful ladies who are visually impaired was not hard for me since they have been my friends since I was in high school. Guiding them won’t be much of a burden when we are going out to share to the people the good news and testify of their lives.

When we arrive back to the church after some time, Blake and I are still ignoring each other.

Pure ignorance that would be the best description for the both of us.

We ignore each other like we never met. We just pass by each other and not even noticing or greeting each other. We don’t really care on each other’s lives. I went back to the same thing I always do and focusing more to God and he also does the same thing.

But there was one thing I notice about him.

His vision seems to be getting worse as the day goes on.

Beforehand he can walk all by himself and not even bumping walls, posts and chairs.

Now he walks alone but it is seldom that he won’t bump somewhere and that he also needs a person to guide him already.

It hit me that I began to worry.

That if he walks alone most of the time whenever there’s a change of pace or going to a new place what might happen and he might cause some trouble.

I was silently beginning to worry again but I just kept quiet and continued ignoring him. We both have our own lives. I was having fun living my life.

We continued ignoring each other.

It was just ignorance.

Text messages?

I heard his phone was taken from him those times.

I know that even if he has his phone, he won’t send messages also.

What can I say?

Maybe he is just falling in love with God more and so is me, that's why love? What about it?

So what if he is cute?

If my heart doesn't say anything, then I’ll keep quiet about it, no feelings, no principles but just God.

 I am happy to calm myself down and say that those sights in the past was just attraction and hey, maybe this time, this ignorance is real and that the attraction won’t be coming back.