Why so quiet ?

Chapter 19

POV June

Today i was with Charlie. She begged me to come with her to buy some clothes. At first i didn't want to because i don't feel comfortable with my wheelchair in public places.
People stare at me when i arrive somewhere as if i were an alien.

"So how's Spencer ?" She asked me smirking.
"He's fine. Why do you ask me this ?"
"Do you have something to tell me about you two ?"
"I don't see what you mean."
"Let's say i understood what you mean."

I looked at her with anger. I knew she knew but i wanted to keep what happened private.
Charlie already bought a few clothes and now she led me to the underwear as if i was interested in those.

"Char' please don't ask me if i like those." I begged her.
"No i won't i know you're disgusted by all those sexy things." She replied searching through the colorful panties.

I was really feeling uncomfortable in this place. For me it was just a display of useless things. Why buy expensive sexy underwear when you can just wear simple one like me. I don't understand why women do that ? For men ? It makes me want to throw up. Why waste money on something which is not gonna stay on you. I suppose it's not gonna stay if you buy it it's for it to be removed from you.

We stayed almost one hour in this shop. When we got out i felt like i could finally breath. But when we arrived near Spencer's apartment i saw a billboard of an advertising of a fragrance with a naked woman.

I felt so disgusted. I couldn't understand how could a naked woman urge someone to buy a fragrance ? I think the work of a model is to sell products and embody a brand. But why would she have to be naked to do this ? It's not her job. Undressing yourself should not even be part of any job. I don't criticise those person's job but i'm disgusted by it.

"Are you alright ?" Charlie asked me.
"Yeah don't worry i'm used to it."
"I can't imagine how hard it is for you to live in this society."
"I deal with it even if right now i feel sick." I replied.

We went into the empty apartment and Charlie served herself some coffee.
Then we sat on the sofa to chat a bit.

"When do you think you will go back to your flat ?"
"I don't know. I would like to be out of this to go back." I said eyeing my wheelchair. "I feel like a burden here even if Spencer told me he liked me being here."
"Of course he like you here. He's in love. And he helps you so i bet he saw you half naked already." She said smirking.
"Don't say that. Spencer is not like that. He's respectful." I got a bit angry hearing this because i knew Spencer wasn't like any guy. He understood me. He understood my asexuality.
"I'm sure he's like any other man when he sees you half naked." She replied.
"Please i don't want to talk about that."
"Ok ok i need to go. Work is calling me. Take care of you." She said hugging me before leaving.

I couldn't forget what she said about Spencer and it bothered me.

POV Spencer

I was tired and happy to be back at home tonight. No cases means being with June.

When i entered the apartment i instantly smelled food.
"What did you make ?" I asked.
"Some chicken with potatoes." She souted back.
"It smells amazing."
"Thank you." She replied wheeling herself into the living room.
I went to her and stopped in front of her not knowing what to do. So i simply kissed her forehead. It made her smile so me as well.
"Dinner's ready. Come on." She said.
We ate the amazing meal June made and i told her i thought weird that we didn't have cases recently.

"What did you do with Charlie today ?" I asked her.
"She bought panties." I choked on my food. "Drink some water."
I did what she adviced me to do.
"We just went to an underwear store." She said.
"Euh yeah ok i got it. Did you buy something ?" I could not believe i asked that. I felt myself blushing.
"Why do you want to know ? You're disgusting Spencer."
"I'm sorry i shouldn't ask."
"No you shouldn't. It's intimate. I felt so uncomfortable there." She replied hiding her face.
"I'm sorry. I know you would have feel like this."
"Did you see the new billboard outside ?" She asked me.
Of course i did.
"Yeah it's euh... weird." I didn't know what to say.
"It's not weird. It's simply dirty and it shouldn't be shown in the streets. Does it make you want to buy this fragrance ?"
I could feel her anger.
"Euh no ...no i don't. You're right it's disgusting but we're used to it nowadays." I tried to explain.
"We shouldn't be used to it. Our society is hypersexualised and it should not be normal. But of course you're used to it you're a man so you love seeing this in the streets." She said before leaving towards the bedroom.
"Please wait June i'm sorry i shou....." She cut me by slamming the door.
I knew i made her angry.

POV June

I tried to calm myself knowing i overreacted. It wasn't Spencer's fault. I was mean to him.
Without even being aware of it i started crying. I could hear the door opening and closing. Then i felt Spencer's hands on my shoulders.
"I'm so sorry. I shouldn't react this way." I said between my sobs.
Spencer came in front of me and hugged me. I instantly felt better. He was so warm.
"Don't ever be sorry for feeling the way you do. It's who you are and i should understand it better. Please stop crying." He tried to calm me. "Do you want me to remove this picture outside ?" He asked me laughing.
It made me laugh too.
"Don't be stupid it's illegal and do i have to remind you that you represent what's legal ?"
"I'll do anything to make you happy and at the moment this disgusting picture is making you sad." He was so nice and cute and romantic.
That's when i remembered what Charlie told me.

"Can i ask you something personal ?"
"Of course Go on."
"Are you euh... excited when you see me half naked. You know when you change my bandages and euh... when you help me ?" I was certainly blushing.
When i looked at Spencer i could see my question made him uncomfortable.
"Euh... you know the feelings i have for you are stronger than my desire. I can't lie to you. I'm excited because you're special. But i.."
"I can't give you what you need. You know when people discover about asexuality they think we didn't meet the right person but it's not that. We just don't want sex. It's not a problem."
"I will never force you. If we're never ever gonna have sex i'm fine with that."
"I can't believe a man or any person who's not asexual could ever not have sex. I trust you and i love you but i don't want to deprive you of this."
He took my face in his large hands and looked straight in my eyes.
"I love you and i don't feel this with my sex but with my heart and my mind. Please don't ever think you're gonna deprive me of something. If i ever feel like that i'll tell you and we'll talk about it."
I could just nod and i kissed him lightly. It made him smile and he kissed me back but it stayed sweet and simple.
"Let's just sleep ok ?" Spencer said.
I nodded again and searched for my night clothes.
As usual Spencer helped me but this time it was full of emotions because even if his hands were on my naked body there wasn't sexual feeling. He kept his eyes locked with mine the entire time.
I took his shirt in my hands and tried to removed it. He let me do it. Then i took his night shirt and put it around his neck and let him put it correctly on his own. We stayed on the bed looking at each other his hand on my cheek. Mine on his. It felt good.

"We should go to sleep." I said.
"You're right but i don't want to." Spencer replied smiling.
"I need to be strong i have physical therapy tomorrow."
"Of course but let me look at you a little bit more please." He kept caressing my face.
"Ok five more minutes." I accepted his demand.

This night we may have looked at each other more than five minutes but at the end i didn't mind.