No Turning Back

So Wrong But So Right

The drive to Jayden's house was somewhat peaceful. While my mind struggled to help calm my body down as well as not think, I could feel my breaths steadying. I knew that I was more than likely having a panic attack earlier and that I was probably still having it. Over the years, I've somehow managed to control them when I wanted. That didn't help much though. Somehow, this one was really bad. I could barely breathe and my lungs felt as if they were going to go out on me. I could feel all my stress just collapsing down on me all at one time. I prayed that I could get to Jayden's house without full breaking down. Then I'd just get into a car accident and more than likely seriously injure myself. I may be upset but I wasn't looking for pain to soothe it. Instead I needed comfort. Funny since I was going to Jayden's house for that but a part of me felt as if he could really help me.

When I pulled up to the curb next to his house, I saw that only his motorcycle was in the driveway. I also saw that the lights in the first level of the house were on. Slowly, I got out of the car and made my way up to his front door. Suddenly, I felt my breaths speed up again and I could my feel my lungs crushing again. I almost fell to the floor if he hadn't caught me. I was surprised when I met his muscular arms. I hadn't even gotten the chance to knock before he opened the door. I looked up to see he was looking at me strong concern and worry. It was a huge change from his usually hard, angry expression. His eyes were soft as he dragged me inside. He helped me to my feet before taking me up to his room carefully. "I'm sorry," I murmured as he laid me down on his bed. His eyes crinkled into confusion as he pulled a cover over me.

"For what," he asked, his voice soft for once. "Daniel, you have nothing to be sorry for." I felt the tingling in my stomach arise at the sound of my name as it rolled off his tongue. Somehow the syllables worked right into his accent and made my name sound so...nice. I didn't think he's ever called me by my name before. Usually he just calls me white boy or something – anything except my name. He must really be concerned if he wasn't calling me by my stupid pet name. "I'm gonna go downstairs for a second, okay? Just try to calm down and don't do anything stupid. Okay?" I nodded. He stared at me for a moment more before finally getting up and walking out the room.

Slowly, I let myself curl up into myself and let my mind begin to wander. Behind my eyes, I saw small flashes of everything my father has tried to control of me. From my sports to my grades to my activities to my interests and now to my future. He was never going to let me live my life the way I wanted to live it. I thought that I had accepted that a long time ago. But I suppose that it's easier to accept it when you're younger because you don't know any better. You don't know how big the world is or how many opportunities are going to be presented to you. Hell, you don't even know who you are that age. I don't even know who I am now...

"I got you some tea," I heard Jayden say as he came back into the room. He was holding two steaming mugs and I suddenly noticed that he was practically half naked. The only thing he had on were a pair of pajama pants and socks. Other than that, his torso was bare and expressed every inch of his sculpted torso. I felt myself blush deeply and my breathing sped up even more. "Whoa, whoa," Jayden said as he came towards me. He put the mugs down before sitting in front of me. His emerald eyes burned into mine, his hands cupping my face that I now noticed was dripping with sweat despite the cold weather. "Daniel, I think we need to get you to a hospital. You don't look good."

"I'm fine," I said firmly. I shuddered lightly as I once again put my mind to trying to control my body. I turned out of his grasp and forced myself to sit up. The movement caused my body to start shaking rapidly but subtly. "I'll be fine," I murmured. Jayden's eyes lingered on me for a moment before he looked down to the steaming mugs. He picked up one and put it into my hands.

"Here," he said. "It's apple cinnamon tea but not the pre-made kind. My grandmother makes it homemade and I used the recipe. It helps me calm down when I have my temper outbreaks so I thought that it might help you."