No Turning Back

Returning to Normal

"Wake up, white boy," I heard Jayden's voice say as something shook my shoulder. I groaned, turning away from him and pulling the cover over my bed. "Don't ignore me," he said as he pulled the cover off of me.

"Jayden, do you know what time it is?"

"Yes. It's five in the morning now wake up," he said as he popped me in the back of the head.

"I see someone is feeling better," I mumbled. I reluctantly turned over and looked up at him. He was staring down at me with his vibrant eyes, his mouth in a line. It was still dark in the room since the sun wasn't out yet. "What do you want," I asked as I narrowed my sleepy eyes at him.

"I'm bored," he said simply.

"Then go wake up your uncle."

"No. I heard him and Alex doing a little something last night. I'm not going in there. Do you want me to be scarred more than I already am?" I rolled my eyes at him. I ran a hand through my hair as I stretched.

"What's wrong, Jayden? We both know that you don't wake up at five in the morning unless you absolutely have to." Jayden blinked his eyes before getting out of the bed. He walked over to the closet and disappeared inside of it. I relaxed in his bed as I waited for him to return. Over the past two weeks, I'd been sleeping over...a lot. Jayden had been really unstable ever since he broke down to me about his girls' deaths. He blamed it all on himself since he believed that he could have done something more to prevent them from dying. I tried to reassure him that none of it was his fault but he never listened to me. He just ignored me and went on with his little breakdowns. Once, he started throwing shit at me so I literally had to seriously wrestle him down to the ground and hold him still so that he would stop. I remember it had started with how his usual breakdowns started: with him beginning to cry and say things that he shouldn't be. I once again tried to reassure him that everything was going to get better and he flipped out on me. No one else was in the apartment except us so I had to be the one to calm him down. Usually it was easy since he didn't want to get violent but this time he did so it was harder – especially since he was stronger than me. But I don't think he knew that it was me that he was fighting with. His eyes weren't in the present time when he'd tackled me down onto the couch and nearly tried to punch my face in. They were somewhere else. Honestly, I think he was trying to fight with God. He kept yelling things in Spanish as I tried to get the upper hand on him and we rolled down onto the floor. I heard him yell the Spanish word for God a couple times so I figured that he may have thought he was talking to God. Sounded strange I know but he had been through a lot. I couldn't blame him if his mind was a little out of whack.

Anyway, I had to say that I was lucky that I paid attention to Jayden's moves when he would fight at his tournaments and when we would playfully wrestle around. It helped me keep an eye out for what he was about to do and when he was about to it. I didn't actually get the upper hand until about an hour later since he was much more experienced and knew how to beat someone up. He never actually physically hit me though. He didn't punch me or slap me or any of that. I won't say that he didn't put me in some painful holds because he did but I didn't mind it. I wasn't that much of a wimp. So, when I finally got him to stay on the fucking ground without moving, I tried to talk him back into the present. I tried to let him know that I was only trying to help him. I tried to let him know who I was. He didn't listen to me at first so I resorted to the only thing I could that would remind him of me.

I had leaned down onto him and kissed him. Now, I had wished that after months of not being able to kiss his sweet lips that the moment I would finally be able to kiss them again would be special. Sure, it wasn't the best time to kiss him but it was necessary unless I wanted to continue getting my ass kicked. It was a great kiss though. His lips were so soft, smooth and sweet as they moved against mine. At first, he had frozen up against me but it only took him a couple of seconds to respond back. He kissed me desperately, passionately, his arms wiggling themselves out of my grasp to wrap around my torso. As our kisses deepened and our tongues got thrown into the mix, Jayden had picked me up and lay me down on the couch. Things escalated a lot from there and before we knew it, we were in his room with half of our clothes off. "Daniel," he'd whispered when both of us had driven the other crazy enough that we were in deep lust for each other. "Daniel, we can't... Not after what I just did to you."