No Turning Back

Maybe I'll See You Around

I've always hated the looming feeling of knowing that something bad was coming. I'd always get anxious as my stomach filled with raging butterflies as the bad event came getting closer and closer. When I was younger, usually I would feel this way about spelling bees and other stupid academic events that my parents had put me in. Hell, I'd even gotten the feeling during sports when I knew we were playing a team that was way better than we were. But somehow, those eerie butterflies in my stomach couldn't compare to the ones I was feeling now. The ones that resided in my stomach were much more deadly and thought consuming. All I could think about sometimes was the Sunday afternoon that was approaching me and what would happen when it finally came to be the present. That Thursday night as well as Friday night, I'd had terrible dreams of Jayden's and I's coming break up. Although I was trying so hard to rid myself of those thoughts and try to enjoy the time I had left with my emerald eyed boyfriend, I found it hard to. I just kept looking at his beautiful face and remembering that I may not ever see it again after Sunday. Sure, I had plenty of pictures of us together but it wouldn't be the same.

I wouldn't be able to physically touch his high cheekbones with my fingertips or tangle my hands into his silky curls or stare into his vibrant eyes or kiss his full lips. I could only stare at them in pictures and reminisce what they felt like. I hoped that I would never forget...if I did then I don't know what I'd do. I needed to hold on to whatever memories I had of him. I loved him too much to just let him fade away as the years went by.

It was Saturday morning now and I was lying in bed with Jayden, his strong arms wrapped tight around my waist. I was staring down at his peaceful, sleeping face, trying to mold the image into my brain. I wished that I could tell him that I didn't want us to break up but I knew that a breakup was inevitable. There was nothing either of us could do. We'd already established that a long time ago. Reluctantly, I got out of the bed and went downstairs. I had to make breakfast for him just as I had been doing for the past couple of days. Today, I decided to whip up some cinnamon pancakes along with some bacon, eggs, and toast. The smell must've woken Jayden up since he wandered into the kitchen a little after ten.

"Morning sleepy head," I told him as he walked towards me, rubbing at his eyes. A sleepy smile came upon his face as he grabbed my hips and pulled me against him.

"Morning," he said before kissing me softly. The kiss was a quick peck but the butterflies in my stomach still managed to go into frenzy at the slight touch of his soft lips. "This smells good," he told me.

"Thanks. It's all for you."

"Mmm, this is why I love you." I chuckled as he let me go and sat down at the table. We ate breakfast quietly before heading back upstairs to get cleaned up. We were going to go on another hike later to pass the time. First, we'd optioned to just stay home and lay around since we had been busy the entire time we'd been here. But, Jayden convinced me that we should do something for our last day and just lay around Sunday morning. So, we did go on our long hike through the woods. We didn't really see anything interesting. We just walked around aimlessly and talked about stupid stuff. Jayden somehow held in whatever he was feeling inside about our coming breakup and managed to keep the mood light between us. I was grateful for his optimism but it didn't help much since it wasn't going to change anything.

Later that night, as we were eating dinner, Jayden got a call on his cell phone. He seemed to be annoyed as he answered the phone and left the room so that he could have some privacy. I continued to sit there in my seat, bouncing my leg. I had something planned for him when we were done eating and I would admit that I was nervous about it. I'd spontaneously thought of it on Thursday night before I went to sleep. I had reasoned with myself about my affections for him and the way in which I wanted to show him how strong those affections were. I'd reasoned with myself before about it but I'd never gotten the courage to actually own up to it. Since tonight was more than likely our last night together, I figured that there was no better time to do what I needed to do. I wanted to make this night count. I wanted to this night to be good. I wanted this night to be special...