You Were Right

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Where was she, I thought as I paced back and forth in front of my locker impatiently. I was waiting for Bethany to get here. I'd managed to catch her in the hallway earlier and convinced her to meet up with me after school to talk. She seemed to be a bit reluctant about it considering I had partially broken her best friend's heart but after what she'd told me the other day, I think she knew what I wanted to talk about. Besides, she hadn't questioned my desire to meet up so I was guessing that she knew I was going to say something about Jayden. But then again, that's just predictable. He's been the only thing on my mind since he kissed me Saturday night. Sure, it may seem like a short time period but I'd never thought so hard about someone before so for me it was a pretty big deal. There was also so much more that was paired with the thought of Jayden that it made it even more difficult for me not to think about him. So, after Ashley dropped her bomb on me the other day and I impulsively blurted out my true thoughts, I had lay down in my bed and seriously thought about what was going on inside my head as well as my heart.

As I lay there, staring up at my ceiling, I forced myself to go back through everything I've been through with Jayden. Back to the moment we first met, back to when we used to piss each other off for the hell of it, back to our fight, back to our budding friendship – back to that first kiss. As I let the memories flash through my mind, I felt a fuzzy feeling in my stomach – not the good kind either. Instead, I felt a bit...sad. I realized in that moment that I missed Jayden. His absence may have only lasted not even a day but a huge part of me felt awful that he wasn't speaking to me. A huge part of me felt lost. A huge part of me felt guilty and angry and confused but also nervous. Somewhere in my heart, I knew that I felt something for Jayden. I think I knew that from the first time he actually smiled at me at the library. My heart was tired of denying everything. It wanted to explore and experiment and test out if whatever spark Jayden and I thought we had was really there. I had wasted enough opportunities in the past and I didn't want to waste this one because I knew that if I did: I would regret it.

Although, I may not have wanted to take a chance on Jayden, I knew that I couldn't just let him pass me by. Not only would experimenting be good for me but I also needed to take a chance for my own sake. It had felt good when I had chosen Stanford. It had felt good knowing that I had made a decision for the benefit of myself and my own happiness instead of someone else's. I was kind of hoping to receive the same feeling once I got things straightened out with Jayden. Hopefully then, I could be a bit happy about our association. Hell, I'd be a lot happier than I was now about us. I mean, it's only been three days yet Jayden now refuses to look at me in addition to not talking to me. I had even tried to be nice by attempting to start simple conversations with him like a "Hi" or "Did you think that quiz was hard." He ignored me every single solitary time. He didn't even have the nerve to glance at me! Honestly, I was surprised by how hurt I felt at his actions but then I figured that I probably deserved the silent treatment. I think I did hurt him more than he let on. But, I wished that he could get over it and forgive me. Hell, he didn't even have to forgive me. If he would just look at me – he could glare at me for all I cared but I just wanted to know that I meant even the smallest sliver of something to him...even if it was the cause of his anger.

From the corner of my eye, I spotted Bethany hurrying down the hallway towards me. I let out a sigh of relief and walked towards her to meet her halfway. Her sweet face tightened in concern as we came close together. "Is something wrong," she asked. "Are you alright? You look a bit stressed." Ha, if only she knew how deep that statement went.

"Yea, I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm just... Things are good, I think or at least they will be," I told her.

"So, I'm guessing you thought about what I told you on Monday."

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