No Turning Back

I'm Not Gay

"Daniel," I heard my mom say as she walked into my room. I was under my covers, my head still buzzing with thoughts of Jayden. Hell, I could still feel his lips moving against mine. I couldn't get an inch of sleep because of him. All I could think about was him and how I wished I could've done things differently. I wanted to call him so badly when I got home and apologize and tell him how I really felt about what happened last night. But I knew that he wouldn't answer. He was going to need a couple weeks before he would even consider answering one of my calls. It was going to take a while before I think he would actually have a serious conversation with me. The thought of all that time without him made my heart hurt a bit. We had gotten so close over such a short amount of time yet I couldn't think I could go on without having him around. He was becoming my best friend. "Daniel, honey," my mom said as she began to lightly pull the covers away from my face. I groaned as I felt the light hit my eyes. I turned onto my stomach and buried my face in my pillow. "Daniel," my mother called softly again as I felt her take a seat on my bed. "I want to talk to you."

"Can we talk later," I mumbled. "I'm really not in a good mood and I don't want you to take anything the wrong way."

"I think my news may brighten your mood a little bit." I raised an eyebrow as I turned over to look at her. She was smiling softly down at me, her chestnut hair framing her soft face. "I was proud of you last night, Danny. I'm proud that you're choosing Stanford and planning to come back here for graduate school. I'm proud that you made that decision on your own. So, I'm telling you that you can commit to Stanford if that is what will make you happy. I saw that they're giving you a full-ride solely based on your academics with a plus if you want to play sports then they'll give you money for that too. I'm sure that you'll be really happy there."

"You know I can't go there, mom. Over dad's dead body then maybe." She shook her head.

"Don't worry about your father. He doesn't have to pay for your schooling if he doesn't want to support your decisions. If you don't remember, I am also pretty rich. I can help pay for your books and dorms and everything else you need."

"Really," I asked. "But what about dad? Won't he be upset by all this?"

"Baby boy, this isn't his life to live nor is this his decision to make. This is all up to you and if this is what makes you happy then I will be behind you one hundred percent." I smiled up at her.

"Thank you," I told her. She nodded before getting up to leave. "Wait," I called after her. She looked down at me, tilting her head slightly. "Can I talk to you about something?"

"Of course," she said as she sat down. "What are we talking about?"

"Well, I'm having a bit of emotional problems."

"Is this about the Mia girl?"

"Somewhat. It's just...how do you know when you're falling in love?"

"Aw baby, are you falling in love?"

"Mom," I groaned. "Please answer the question. I really need some guidance."

"Well, there are all the cliché tell-tale signs. The butterflies in your stomach, the longing to always be around them, the gushing whenever they do something cute. But then there are deeper signs when you get down to the road of love. You start seeing them differently. Instead of seeing them for what you want them to be, you see them for who they truly are and no matter how imperfect they seem: you think they're perfect anyway. You also start seeing the world a bit differently in the way that everything's a bit more of a happier place. You notice that you're a happier person. A lot of falling in love is just feelings and bliss. It's more of staying in love that's a challenge."