Falling to Pieces

Chapter One

- Nicki's POV -

I'm Nicolette, or Nicki, Sobrino. I'm 15 years old, about 5'3, and somewhere around 129lbs. On top of that, I'm ugly, fat, and worthless.

* * *

It takes a lot to hate yourself.

It's not just one or two things you wish you could change about yourself. It's everything. You want to change everything. You don't want to be you. If you could change and be someone else, you'd change without a doubt. You walk by all those pretty, skinny, perfect girls in school who all the boys like. And that doesn't make you feel any better.

It also doesn't make you feel so great when you look at yourself in the mirror, analyzing every inch, every detail of your body, and the monster inside your head bullies you. It tells you that you're not good enough. You're fat. You're ugly. You're annoying. You're worthless.

Sophie, my sister, is the opposite of me. She's perfect. She's gorgeous, she's popular, she's skinny. She gets a lot of compliments from people--friends, family, and random kids at school and even on the street--about how pretty she is. I don't.

Sophie is like a year and a half older than me. She's not nasty to me or anything, but she's been bothering me. Like, I always compare myself to her. Everything she does, everything she wears, everything she says... is better. She does everything better than I do.

Oh, by the way, I'm adopted. My parents were close friends with my parents, and my parents died in an accident one day. My current foster parents were actually babysitting me at that time (I was like two years old), because my parents went to a party and got into a bad car accident. Or at least that's what they told me. I've never fully trusted them, especially with that story.

Not only do I hate myself, but my parents hate me, too. It's like I'm not even a real human being. I'm just this thing they use as a punching bag all the time.

They take it easier on Sophie. She gets abused, too, but not as often or as bad as I do. They like her better, too. I guess I'm not the only one who knows that Sophie's the better sister.

Anyways, I've decided that I'm going to start something new. I'm going to eat healthier, eat less, and exercise more. Hopefully this will get me to lose weight, so I'll be thinner and prettier.

* * *

After getting mostly ready for school, I quickly go downstairs. I look around for something healthy and end up eating a banana. I brush my teeth hurriedly and get out the door before my parents wake up.

If I'm not out the door before they're up, either they'll yell or punch or kick me. Sometimes they don't do anything, thankfully. But that's rare.

I walk to the bus with Sophie and get inside. She's about to sit down with some of her friends when she realizes I don't have a seat.

"Oh... Nicki... you know what? Let's sit together. I'll find a seat."

There's two empty seats next to Christian Cass, one of the school heartthrobs.

"Hey Sophie," he says. "And... you're Nicki, right?"

I gulp. He's in my grade. He's my age. And he knows Sophie better than he knows me.

"Yeah," I reply, not knowing what to feel.

But then I feel awkward, noticing Sophie is looking uncomfortable. Did she think I knew him? Like, I knew him well? Because I don't. He probably just sees me as another girl that goes to school with him, nothing special.

However, he probably knows Sophie because like I've already said a million times, she's perfect. And pretty much the entire high school knows who she is. I guess some people, including Christian, know who I am only because I'm her sister.

"Well, you two can sit here," he invites us.

Sophie smiles. "Really? Thanks Christian."

He's sitting in the seat nearest to the window, and Sophie motions for me to go in next to him. "I hate the middle seat, you know that," she whispers. "But you're his friend, and I'm not," I whisper back. "Just go," Sophie says, then pushes me into him.

Great.

"I'm sorry!" Sophie squeals. "I really didn't mean to."

I get off of Christian, and I can feel my cheeks turning red.

"No, no, don't worry about it. It's okay," Christian assures us.

I sit in the seat next to him and look at Sophie with a death stare. She sits next to me and mumbles, "I didn't mean for that to happen, Nicki, I really didn't. Sorry."

"Anyways, Nicki... do you play any sports or anything?" Christian asks.

Weird. I thought he'd be talking to Sophie. Especially after what just happened.

"Y-yeah, well, I used play soccer, basketball, and softball," I tell him.

I've played soccer since I knew how to walk. My parents, before they turned abusive, taught Sophie and I how to play. Well, Sophie didn't stick with it. She chose shopping as her "sport". My older cousins taught me how to play basketball when I was in first grade, and I started playing for a team in third grade (which was the earliest age you could start playing at). I played T-Ball when I was in kindergarten, then played baseball, and switched to softball in fourth grade. Now I can't play because my parents refuse to pay for it.

"Then we need to have a girls vs. guys basketball game one day, definitely," he smiles.

I know Christian has played a lot of sports. He plays (U.S.) football and basketball. He used to do soccer and hockey too.

"I guess we do," I reply.

The bus comes to a stop and I realize one thing: I haven't thought about anything regarding my weight or looks since I sat by Christian. Maybe I kinda like him.

We get off the bus and amble into the school building. The feeling of happiness disappears once I see all of the girls walking in the hallway. Skinny... beautiful... perfect...

Madison Garfield walks over to me. She's been my best friend since Pre-K. We take different buses though, so that's one of my problems with finding a seat.

"Hey Nicki," she says, carrying her books.

"Oh, hey, Maddie," I answer, shutting my locker after taking my books out of it.

I notice she's eating a large chocolate chip cookie.

And it kills me.

She eats junk every day, and she's still so skinny. And pretty.

And it's just another reminder of how everyone's better than me.