The Assassin (Shingeki no Kyojin/ Attack on Titan)

Waking Up

Hello, everyone. I am cutting the fluff stories short because I have kept you waiting for far too long for plot-oriented chapters. Thank you so much for your lovely comments. I will try to update more often, even if life gets to busy. Thank you reading!

Also, I have yet to read the most recent couple of chapters of SNK so sorry if anything from this point on is not up to date. It wasn't exactly meant to go along with the canon in the first place, but I tried to get it close. Oh well. *SORRY*

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A spider darted across my ceiling into a corner. My eyes followed it, and I kept my stare on it as it started spinning webs. My head rested on my pillow, my hands placed themselves on my stomach. My thumbs slowly traced against the fabric of my black tank top. I had gotten used to being underdressed; no uniforms, no holsters, no bindings on my forearms. 

Once the spider came to a rest, I turn onto my side and tried to focus my eyes on something else in my dark, dank room. Although the majority of me was in a state of complete hopelessness, there was still a part of me that yearned to go back. There has to be a way, that part of me thought. 

It's useless to say that I didn't mean what I did. It's useless to apologize. I had one chance. One simple task of honoring Petra and Quentin. I pushed the memories of them away. I had no right to even think of them. All I had to do was be a soldier, to change for the better. But I got in the way of myself. How on earth did I think I could rid of my identity so quickly and recklessly?

And so here I was, back at my old HQ. My old Mentor granted me sanctuary here, as long as I didn't get in the way of anyone else. I just couldn't get used this room. I had no idea how I survived in here for years before my failed attempt at being a part of the Scouting Legion. I was alone. Consumed by the empty space around me. I didn't want to allow myself to desire things, but I really wanted to be back in my room with Mikasa and Sasha.

My door swung open and my expression hardened when I saw who had come to pay me a visit.

"Hey, dummy," Kairen, son of the Mentor, greeted me. I didn't so much as move a muscle in response. He came over and sat down on the edge of my bed.

"Still beating yourself up?"

Nothing.

Kairen sighed, "You were always insufferably still. Remember when we were only kids and we got into that one fight? You know, the one when my father got so pissed at us for arguing he made us stay in a room together to sort things out? You didn't move and inch. Just sat there, like a dog. I remember, I was screaming my head off. Then Quentin busted the door open to get me to shut u--"

"What do you want, Kairen?" I said in the quietest voice I could muster without exploding.

"Finally," he huffed, "Shoulda known his name would trigger you. You know, he was my friend too--"

"What do you want?" I said firmly. Still not moving.

"I want you to get up off your butt and do something!" he stood abruptly. "You've been in here for days!"

Finally, I sat up, hunched over with my legs crossed. "Why do you care? You've never given a crap about me."

Kairen sighed once more, "You can't keep beating yourself up for something you had no power over."

"But I did!" My temper rose, "I could have stopped myself!"

"No, you couldn't. That side of you was bound to unleash itself the minute to decided to confine yourself their system. Right now, it's the same way. If you keep yourself locked in here, you're only going to cause more damage. And frankly, you're terrifying enough as it is."