Last Hope {a paramore fanfiction}

Chapter One

The water hit me like a tonne of bricks. But it felt good. My eyes stopped stinging slightly. I don't know, if it was that the water calmed me, or if the shower was making my tears insignificant. The small drops from my eyes, were now just running down my body, along with the hot water. It didn't stop me from sobbing. Wailing like a baby. Banging my fists against the tiled walls. It was like a prison. I was sick to death of being trapped in a prison. My mind was permanently in one. And at that moment in my life, it felt as if the key had been destroyed. That there was no way out.

I ran my hand through my hair, sighing as my fingers were caught in tangles and knots. That always happened with curly hair. But for the past week, it had just been neglect. I couldn't of been bothered to brush through it. I couldn't be bothered to do anything.

It took me one glance at my skin to realise how long I'd been in the shower for. I looked down at my chest, now a bright pink. The scolding water still pelted against me, but I couldn't feel it. I was numb. It was what I always wanted, what I had always dreamed about. Being numb to the world and everything that surrounded me. To not feel any emotion that there was. Yet, the sensation, wasn't as satisfying as the dream.

I sat in my bed, ignoring that the t-shirt I had put on, was now soaked from my hair. I took off my reading glasses and put them on my bedside table. I noticed his clothes in the corner. Like any other girl who just got dumped on New Year's Eve, you'd think that she'd walk over, pick up a T-shirt and inhale the scent of the one she loved still. But I'm not like any other girl. It was New Year's Eve and I had just been dumped, but I didn't love him. At the point in life, I hadn't loved anything. I didn't think love was possible. Pain was the strongest feeling, not the supposed butterflies in stomachs or awkward first dates between strangers who ended up being together till death screwed them over.

I turned off the light, and let myself fall into the soft pillows and blankets. I had put every single soft pillow or material there was in my apartment on my bed that night. I wanted to make it feel as if he was sleeping next to me. It wasn't that I missed his presence, it was more I craved the presence of someone. Not to be alone. This thought helped me distract myself from the fact I was nearing insanity and let me fall into a dreamless sleep, much like the life I'd been living.