Last Hope {a paramore fanfiction}

Chapter Thirty

10th March

"Argh this is so cute," Hayley said as she picked up everything in American Apparel. We were in some large mall in LA, after deciding it was time for a girly shopping trip. "I've spent too much time in places with high testosterone levels, it's about time I had female companionship!" she had texted me the day before and I agreed. I didn't have any friends apart from Paramore, Hayley in fact being my only "gal pal." So, it was weird but exciting to go out for a girly time for the first time in ages. Well, we did have good food at the grill but that night where I feared I wouldn't survive. I quickly pushed the thought out of my mind.

"I need to start stocking up on clothes, now that I think about it," she said. "Oh really? Got more shows lined up for this year?" I asked. "Urm, a hell of a lot of shows," she laughed. "And soon." I kind of stopped in my tracks. "Are you okay Bethan?" Hayley said, noting something was wrong. "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," I smiled. "This would look great with your hair," I said and held up an orange crop top. With Hayley distracted, I could try and focus on not focusing on Taylor having to travel around a lot. As well, try and not think about the looming talk of him and Nashville.

We shopped around more and I treated myself to some new clothes and shoes. "Going all out today?" Hayley laughed, as I bought two pairs of vans and some of their t-shirts. "Just wanna treat myself," I said. "Makes sense, you deserve it, we all do once in a while," she said. We sat down in a cute little Mexican restaurant to have lunch, having to use two whole seats for all our bags. I ordered a large burrito full of chicken, rice, salsa, hot sauce and sour cream, while Hayley had a plateful of tacos. We ordered a bowel of nachos. "Can we order it with no cheese?" Hayley said to the waiter. At first I wondered why on earth she would do such a thing.

A memory of what it was like to be constantly singing came into mind and all the precautions I would have to take. One of the things that would change would be your diet, which included cutting back on things like cheese. It was two sorrow reminders; one, I wasn't a singer in my band anymore and performing to people (which I loved) and two, Hayley was preparing for the year ahead of shows and tours. As much as I wanted to see Taylor be happy and perform to the crowd of fans I wanted to be selfish and just keep to myself, just to hold and kiss.

After stuffing ourselves, we kept shopping, and headed into some thrift shops. "I think I just came," I said, looking at the rows of flannel shirts that lined the rails, coming in a variety of colours and low prices. "Bethan, I think your pop punk is showing," laughed Hayley from the other side of rail. I think I bought at least 10 shirts, in colour combinations I'd never seen. "Wow that orange and pink one is cool," Hayley said. "Actually goes really well..." She said. "Yeah, I like how one or half is orange and the other pink." "Yeah...it looks awesome," Hayley said, a smile crossing her face. I also bought a bunch of different coloured t-shirts with the intention to tie dye the shit out of them. My wardrobe needed more colour just like my life did.

As we walked back to Hayley's car I noticed something. "Oh yeah! Your tattoo! The picture you sent while you were in Australia doesn't do it justice," I said pointing at the envelope etched onto Hayley's thigh. "Yeah I'm in love. It's to remind me how even though I spend a lot of time away from my family and friends, I'll still always be in contact and never forget them ya know?" she said, and I nodded in agreement. It brought home the whole issue that Taylor and I didn't want to talk about but really needed to. If he did move back to Nashville, I knew I needed to make it work. He was the best thing to ever happen to me and I couldn't let him go.

"We were doing an interview the day after I got it, I think, and they asked me about it and then Taylor slapped it...hard," Hayley said and I started to do a laugh mixed with an aw. We got into the car after shoving all the bags in the back seat. When we were settled and our belts on, Hayley hesitated before turning on the engine. "Are you guys like...okay now?" she said. "Who?" I asked. "You and Taylor...I knew something was up, when..." She didn't want to say "the day we ran to the police station and saved you from a kidnapping but we never spoke of it again because Taylor didn't want to mention you at all." It was true, no one had talked about it. Even when I met up with Kat whilst they were away, we skirted around the subject.

"He just seemed really distant while we were traveling and in between shows...but still, I've never seen him perform so well. Like, he's always been shy, but strong on stage...yet there was something, like...amazing about him on stage this time." I smiled thinking about the videos I looked at online of him banging his head and jumping around. "I just guessed you too had a tiff...this isn't meant to sound rude but when you guys argue, it does effect him. He's really invested in you...and at the same time...you two are great for each other. And I know that you don't have to be in a relationship to be there for each other...I'm just saying don't lose whatever you have with Taylor." I smiled at Hayley, seeing as she just told me exactly what was probably the best advice I ever got. To hold on to Taylor. "Thanks Hayley...and I actually have something to do with what..what you said." Was I going to tell her about me and Taylor? We hasn't discussed as a couple to say whether or not we were a couple. "Urm..."

I pulled the sleeve up of my top to above my elbow. "Oh my god!" Hayley said. "That's from Last Hope isn't it?!" She exclaimed. I nodded as I laughed at her excited face and expression. She held my arm and looked at in awe. "And that's Taylor's handwriting?! Who did it?!" "Da-" "Dan?! Oh, I love Dan!" Hayley's excitement distracted me from lying to her about me and Taylor and how when we organised to meet up, I was lying in his arms in my bed.

Hayley drove me home after talking to me all about tattoos and asking if I would get anymore. She really did get me to thinking about inking my body again. I had always loved tattoos, it was Sam who was the one that always stopped me from getting any. But now that he was out of the picture, I wanted more. Trust me, I wasn't planning on filling my whole body up, but I was excited to realise that I could if i wanted to. My life was really starting up again, and I was extremely happy with the people that were in it. One in particular.

"So have you posted it anywhere yet?" Hayley asked. "What do you mean?" "Like, have you put it on twitter or have you posted it to instagram." "No, I wasn't planning to until the release of the new album, then people would get where it's from, ya know?" "Ahhhh, good idea. You can be our ad campaign," Hayley laughed as she turned the corner to drive down my road. "I can't believe that you never had an instagram or twitter account, and what you've had it for how many weeks and how many followers do you have now?" I swiped my phone screen and checked the app. "Over a fifty thousand...woah, i didn't even realise..I haven't checked it in a few days." I saw that my notifications displaying "99+." And then I noticed something else. Hayley parked on the sidewalk outside the apartment building. "Why are you quiet all of a sudden?" Hayley pondered. "I'm verified." "Urm, that's awesome!" Hayley said and leaned over to hug me. I was in shock. About it all really. People still knew who I was and by the looks of it I still had fans, with all the instagram accounts and what not, but I didn't realise it was to such a high level.

After unloading all my bags and saying goodbye to Hayley, I walked to my apartment, still in awe about everything. I remembered back to the night when I was beaten unconcious, but right before then, that girl showed me her tattoo, with the lyrics that I wrote. Permanently on her body. A "Please Clarify" song. It was great to know we touched at least one person with our music. But now, I realised that we maybe had reached out to many more. And many more still may need us. It was stupid sometimes to think that but still. As I reached my door, my phone pinged with another notfication.

"Michael Mitchell has followed you"

It can't be...could it? I clicked on the profile, and then on the display picture. His familar face flashed up on my screen with his huge grin and dimples. He had this great hairstyle of long light brown curls on the top of his head with the sides shaved. His chin was now covered in a thin layer of stubble. But I knew who he was almost instantly. It was Michael from Please Clarify, Michael who I met on my first night LA, the one who put me up for the night or I would have been on the streets. He was like a brother to me, everyone from Please Clarify was like a family. And Ieft them. I knew this was just a nice gesture of his, just to tell me we were okay. We weren't great just okay. I followed him back and tried to think nothing of it. That was until my phone pinged again, telling me I'd recieved a message on Twitter.

@mikemitchmitch said

"Hey Bethan, been a long time. Think we need to talk soon x"

I got the same feeling I did when Taylor rang me on New Years day. Nervous energy mixed with sickness and the idea that this would all go wrong. But that phonecall led to the amazing life I was living now

@bethannoconnor said

"Agreed"