Last Hope {a paramore fanfiction}

Chapter Five

I looked in the mirror and sighed at what I saw. It was the 2nd of January and I already felt like giving up. Rainy weather had come to LA and it reflected my mood perfectly. That was until I realised what was happening today. Me and Taylor were going to write a song.

It was 8.30 when I poured myself a bowl of lucky charms. I sat on the counter top and hummed away to an old song. It took me a while to realise it was a "Please Clarify" song. Wow. The lyrics I remember writing in a Taco Bell with the boys and tapping out the tune on the table for them. It was called " "The Ocean."

I walked back to my room, still humming the song. What was I going to wear? How was I going to do my hair? I had never worried so much about making a good impression when I was with Sam. I didn't care what he thought. I decided on black skinny jeans, rolled up at the bottom, black van high tops and one of my old, baggy, green Radiohead T-shirts.

I put my hair in a bun, and quickly covered up my dark circles under my eyes with concealer. I fished out my old leather backpack and put the scrappy pieces of paper with lyrics from the day before into the bag. I threw in my guitar tuner, and spare batteries when I realised it hadn't been used in ages.

Just as I clicked shut the case of my guitar, the buzzer went for my apartment. "Hello?" I said. "Hey b-dawg!...I just shouted that really loud and an old lady stared at me," he said, like the dork he is. I giggled and composed myself. "Alright t-Tay I'll be down in a second," I said, grabbing my oversized denim jacket, backpack and guitar.

"Let me get that," Taylor said as I emerged into the rain. His hood was up and the few curls at the front of his head dripped with rain. I squinted up at him, passing him my guitar. We made a dash to his car and I jumped in while he put the guitar in the trunk.

He got in and rubbed his hands together, and hugging himself. "Cold?" I asked. "A little," he laughed. He fiddled with the gear stick and we were down the road. He tuned the radio, the crackling noise finally being replaced by a song. "My Friends Over You" by New Found Glory started playing. I started to bang my head in time with the song. "Didn't Hayley used to date one of these guys?" I asked. Taylor laughed. "Chad, yeah, they're still together...they have been for the past 8 years," he said. "Oh...I didn't realise..," I said, contemplating how distant I really had been from the world.

"Wow, long time," I said. "Yeah, but it's good ya know," he said, turning the steering wheel,"I want that long term kind of love." I blushed. It felt weird to be talking about something like this with Taylor. It made me feel good that he trusted me in a way though, to talk about that kind of soppy stuff.

I walked into the studio, and gasped. "Wow, it's gone all classy now," I laughed. Taylor chuckled. "Yeah it's great," he said. I sat down in a soft, leather chair as he walked over to the computer. "I shouldn't be doing this but..." He said.

We spent the next hour listening to Paramore's new album. Every song was a hit. I hadn't heard this sound before but I loved it. On every song, Taylor was banging his head along with the tune and talking about the writing process and melodies. He had so much passion for it all.

"It's so good taylor, it's amazing," I said. I wasn't lying. "Thank you," he said, smiling from ear to ear. "I don't think you need me," I laughed and his face dropped. "No, please, we can do this!" He said. I looked into his eyes. "We can,"

*2 days later*

I played the same chord progression again on the keyboard. The only three chords we had so far. Taylor was laid out on one of the sofas, half asleep.

"Song writing is hard," he mumbled. I sighed. "I'm sorry," I said. I felt my face redden and burn up. "I thought I could do it but-" my voice snagged as I tried to stop myself from bursting into tears. All I had to do was write a song, but it was harder then I thought, ever since "Please Clarify" broke up. Ever since I became a wreck. Ever since Sam. Ever since that night...

I suddenly felt two arms around me. Strong and soft. Strong to keep me safe and soft to keep me warm and happy. I took in a deep breath of Taylor. He smelt of peppermint. "Don't be like this," he said, his voice mumbled. "It's okay," he said. He rested his forehead against mine and I looked into his eyes again. He store into mine. The electrifying energy sent spark through me. Suddenly, there was a thud.

Somehow, my backpack toppled over from the chair and onto the floor of the studio. Taylor broke away and gave me a small smile before I got up off the piano stool and walked over to my bag.

"Oh great," I sighed. "What is it?" said Taylor. "My bag was open and all my stuff has fallen out and...." I said. I looked at the floor. "What's wrong?" Taylor said, sounding curious. I laughed and realised I'd been such an idiot. I had my songs I'd written on a few days before.

I walked over to Taylor, carrying the papers. "I didn't tell you, but the day you called...I had been writing songs. Now that I think about it's a weird coincidence. Most of them are garbage, but some are okay. I forgot all about them," I said.

Taylor started flicking through the papers. "Hey this one looks good," he said, passing me the paper. "Can you sing it to me?" My heart fell down into my stomach. "I...I haven't sung in ages," I said. "Oh, it's okay-," he began, before I cut him off. "I'll do it," I said. I need this. I sat at the piano and placed the paper in on the stand.

I don't even know myself at all

I thought that I'd be happy by now

The more I try to push it

Realise

I gotta let go of control

Gotta let it happen

Gotta let it happen

Gotta let it happen

Just let it happen

My heart thudded and I looked up. I was looking for something. Someone. This song came from a pit of despair. And I was playing it in front of someone I didn't really know too well. I made me feel as if I had no hope. No hope.

"The first verse is all I have so far-," I said, turning around on the keyboard stool, only to be face to face with Taylor. He was crouching down to be at my level. "That was beautiful...," he said. "It...made me think about some things. And about you. And how you're not okay. You're still healing. You're not better, but that's okay. You're not some other "fallen angel" like they all said. You're a person, who has deeper problems. And that's not bad. Your mistakes don't define you, they help make you a better person. But if I'm honest, in the past few days...minutes...you seem well, pretty damn amazing. I'm going to help and look after you. And I know we're kind of forgotten friends, I just want you to know...you'll be okay..," he said. A tear rolled down my face. No one had reassured me like that. No one had made me feel good for the past few years compared to how Taylor had in a few days.

He put a hand up to my face. His thumb wiped away the tear. His fingertips grazed across my cheek. It felt as if every nerve in my body exploded, but my face was frozen. A piece of hair had fallen down across my face. He took the strand and placed it behind my ear, tracing it as he did. His hand cupped my face and I titled my chin up. His minty breath flew across my face and my heart started to thud in my chest.

"Taylor?" A voice said. We both jumped and Taylor moved so I now saw the doorway. "...Bethan?" The voice said. Well, Hayley said as she stood with Jeremy.