Last Hope {a paramore fanfiction}

Chapter Six

I wanted the world to swallow me up. Not even swallow me. Cut me up into little chunks and devour me. Cook me with fries; anything to not be in this situation.

"Hey guys," Taylor said awkwardly. But he was brave. I followed his lead. "Hello Hayley. Hello Jeremy," I said, swearing at myself in my mind at how formal yet stupid I sounded.

Jeremy cautiously walked forward, past Hayley and towards me. Before I could understand what was happening, I was taken into one of the biggest hugs I'd received in a long time. I was crushed to the point where I couldn't breathe but it felt good. It felt nice and warm. I wrapped my arms around him and enjoyed the rest of the bear hug.

When I came away from Jeremy, I was laughing and smiling. Ever since Taylor came back into my life, I had been doing it lot compared to...before. It had only been a few days writing together and everyday was a good one, playing about and ordering food, texting all night about music and guitars and tv. I looked up to Jeremy towering over me and across to Taylor, smiling like an idiot. Then I looked at Hayley. And my mood dropped.

She looked uncomfortable. Hell, who can blame her? Someone as toxic as me playing a song with her bandmate, on her keyboard? What the hell? At least Taylor had told them about it...right?

"So, why are you here Bethan?" Said Hayley. She was trying. I wouldn't have bothered as much as she was if I walked into the room. "Urm..," I began awkwardly. I turned to Taylor. He hadn't told them. They didn't know why I was here. They didn't know what he had asked me.

My stomach fell through me and hit the ground as my heart exploded and my brain melted. I was his secret. He was ashamed of me. He didn't want them to know about me. He wanted a good song and he was about to get one from some stupid, lonely girl who always saw the good in people. She always saw the good even after all the years searching for good in people that were always bad. Always.

"Guys, I hadn't told you yet, but me and Bethan are writing a song that I thought we could put on the album," Taylor said. "Well," Jeremy said sitting on the piano stool,"from what we heard, you've still got that talent for writing..and singing..it sounded great." I blushed. It was mixed between the compliment from Jeremy and the feeling of holding back tears. Taylor. Stupid girl.

"It-it did sound great," Hayley said. I turned to her. She smiled at me. But I couldn't take it. "Do you know what? Urm.. I don't think I can help you anymore...I-I have to go," I said, grabbing my jacket and backpack. "Bethan, what do you mean? Bethan?" Taylor said. Hearing him say my name broke me a little more. "Don't ever trust anyone," I thought to myself. "Urm, just I don't think it's going to work. I heard your new stuff and some whiney emo song isn't needed with your sound," I said, about to leave the room.

I felt a hand wrap around my wrist. A shot of lightning went up my arm. I turned to see Taylor's face again. "Bethan-" he began. "Finish the song..I don't want it..it's yours..use it..or-" my voice broke midway, as I tried to hold back the tears. "Or throw it away. I don't care. I don't care...goodbye," I said, pulling my arm out of Taylor's grip and leaving the room.

I slammed the door behind me. It shook the whole apartment but I didn't give a shit. I threw my bag across the room and kicked off my shoes. I stood staring at my surroundings. And then I slid down the door. And weeped. And cried. And sobbed. I had no one to go to. I only had the my echoes to keep my company.

I pulled myself together and stood up. As I walked into my room, I passed the small side table with my house phone on it. I clicked the mail button, like I did, every day, and waited for the automated voice to say "no new mail." But it didn't say that. It said "one new message." I did a double take and waited to here the message.

"Hey Bethan." The blood in my body froze. "I've been out of town for a few days. I'm coming back on the 6th to get my stuff. If you pack it for me, there won't be a lot of hassle. See you babe." I heard him snigger and voices around him chuckle. The next thing I realised was that I was now on the floor, shaking and convulsing.

Having a panic attack is scary. It's worse when you're alone.