Last Hope {a paramore fanfiction}

Chapter Sixteen

That night I got barely any sleep. I laid down in my bed and I wasn't able to fade away easily and quickly as I'd hoped. My whole body was on fire with the close encounters of the Taylor York kind.

I tried my best to look nice for everyone. Most of all Taylor. He was so effortlessly good looking and it annoyed me I couldn't look so flawless just waking up. But, I had felt good that day and in my clothes. I decided to wear that dress, with a new lease of confidence to show my legs.

I'd had such a great night. Me and Kat got on so well, the same to be said with Jana. Even me and Chad developed a few in jokes about pop punk and pizza no one else got. Everyone loved the food and I treasured the flirty moments with Taylor. As I sat on the sofa next to him, I tried hard not to go red from the sensations running through me. The thoughts and wishes that he'd put his arm around my shoulders. Watching him in the "Now" video didn't help this. I couldn't lie over how turned on I was over him being a strong and manly soldier and the face he made when he called out or tackled someone to the ground.

Standing next to him under stars was another highlight. The smell of his grey cardigan stayed with me even when I reluctantly gave it back to him. But the moment that I kept me awake was the second his fingers brushed over my thigh and his face was inches from me, his lips slightly parted. The familiar smell of peppermint and that cologne I let slip that I liked filled my nostrils and engaged my senses; and then nothing.

There was no point in denying it anymore. I wanted Taylor to kiss me. I knew that I liked him, but I wasn't one to have crushes, seeing as I'd only ever kissed three people and properly been with one of those (and we all know how that went). But I felt as if this wasn't just any little love bug. The moments of frustration were no longer moments that we could look past but ones that caused pain from the anguish I was feeling. The need for Taylor. But it wasn't a normal crush that could be dealt with easily. It was as if I was committed to Taylor even though we weren't together. I couldn't hurt him, he didn't even know my full story. The second half of it already messed him up and nearly caused us to never continue on.

Maybe it was a mistake to move in with Taylor. No one knew and if they did it would be weird. If I liked Taylor, and we somehow managed to get together, I'd already be living with him. We'd of skipped one of the most important parts of being in a relationship. Plus, even if I didn't have rent to pay, how would I pay back Taylor? Either way it felt as if I was using him to the point where no one would think our relationship (if it did happen) was true and honest and balanced.

I finally was able to drift off into sleep for a few minutes but woke up early in the morning with a bad mood. I stood in the shower and felt a bit better but my mind kept wandering to the idea of Taylor being in the shower with me. Wow Bethan. Calm down.

I went down the stairs to an empty kitchen. Either Taylor had left or was still asleep. I looked to the small dish by the door and saw his car keys weren't there. I sighed that we weren't doing our morning routine of breakfasts with each other but I realised Taylor wasn't mine and soon he'd be gone for a while to promote the album. I sighed again at that thought and held back a tear. I didn't want these amazing people in my life to be gone for weeks and months, even though I was incredibly proud.

I suddenly heard the door open and someone panting. I screamed at the shock, not expecting that to happen. I looked to see Taylor standing in front of me. He held up a McDonalds paper bag. "Hey...I got breakfast," he said. I smiled and sighed.

As we munched into the food, it seemed to heal some of the pain from the night before. But yet again, it was a distraction that wouldn't hold up forever. Soon we'd be back to our awkward, sexually frustrated selves.

"So, we kind of didn't get groceries yesterday, just the food for dinner...do you wanna come with me and we can get everything?" he asked, raising his eyebrows. Those big cute ones. I nodded and smiled at him.