Zayn and I became extremely close. We didn't have any other friends. We didn't have many classes together, but we spent every other time together.
I'm sure I could have a lot of friends, but I never wanted more than a few. And all the girls who want to be my friend, ahem, Laura and her clique, are assholes who just want me because I'm "innocent". I refuse to join any cliques, I'd rather be alone, with Zayn. Do I have a crush on him? This is a question I ask myself all the time. I don't think so, but I don't exactly know what the difference between liking him as a really good friend or as a crush.
This week is spring break, and I can't wait. Me and Zayn were both invited to Lauras party. We agreed to go, just because we've never been to a high school party. Laura and pretty much all her friends are in 10th - 12th graders. She told us we will be the only freshmans there.
Tonight was the night of the party, and I was extremely nervous. What am I gonna wear? What is Laura going to think of me? What do they do at parties? I have never gotten drunk, or high... I am too scared. If I don't do it, will I be shunned by everyone? I always learned never to give in to peer pressure. But now I see why people do. They want to fit in. Popularity is more important to do the right thing. Not for me. Well, is it?
These questions hurt my head. Am I cut out for this? No! But I have to go, I don't know why, But I have to.
My phone rings and snaps me out of my daze. It's Zayn.
"Hello, I'm not ready, I hope you're not here." I say, frustrated.
"Woah woah, calm down. I'm not even dressed, I just wanted to know if you're still up for this, because I'm not sure now." He sighs.
"Me neither, I'm so nervous, I can't think, but I want to go, please come with me." I sigh out nervously.
"Oh my goodness, of course I'm gonna go with you...calm down, I will be there in an hour, hang in there!" He says, with a fake cheery voice, and hangs up.
i grunt and throw my phone on the bed. Fuck fuck fuck! You're going to make a fool of yourself, this is a trap! Why would Laura want ME? She hates me.... Fuck!
My mind screams at me. Why am I freaking out so much? Calm...
I run to my closet and go through every dress I own, 4 times. I only have 4 dresses. They're all short, but also not party dresses, they're sun dresses. Shit.
Maybe I can sneak into my mothers closet.
"Moooooooom?" I yell, maybe she isn't home.
I get no response. I know dad isn't home, he's always gone.
I run to my moms closet and search through her dresses.
Bingo.
I find a black dress with rips in the side. It's sparkly, and very revealing. I gag at the sight of my mother wearing it. I walk over to her bathroom, because I like her make up better than mine.
I take off my clothes, and put in my mothers push-up bra. I feel so uncomfortable. I slip on the tight dress, catching my breath after the struggle. I stare at this girl in the mirror, me. Me, Carmen, in a slutty ass dress. I shake my head and grab my hair. What do I do with this? I search for my mothers curling iron. Bingo.
I turn it on and pull my hair back. As I wait for her curling iron to heat up, I put on my make up. Well, moms make up. I find Mac Mascara, my favourite. I try to grab every Mac product she has. Eye shadow, Eye liner, lip stick, mascara, blush, and foundation.
I feel like I caked my face. I look up at the mirror and jump at the sight. Who is that? It's not me. I'm not that beautiful. I can't pull of that dress. That's clearly not me. But...it is. I look 19. It's amazing what make up can do. The curling iron beeps, like an oven, and I grab it. I take my hair out of the pony tail and began to curl. Every curl came out so gorgeous, bouncing up every time I release it from the iron.
It only took 5 minutes to get my hair looking like I just came out of a Victoria Secret fashion show. I exit the bathroom, making sure to place everything how I found it. I stare at the body sized mirror, and smile.
I feel beautiful.
My phone rings and I rush to pick it up. I only have one heel on, so I put my other one on as I run, and I fall on my bed.
"Hello!" I cheer into the phone.
"You sound like you just came out of therapy, haha. Anyway I'm here." He hangs up. What does that mean, coming out of therapy? Is that a good thing? I'll just leave it.
I run downstairs and run outside. Zayn holds out two bus passes. He looks up and looks as if he's searching for someone.
"Hey have you seen Carmen? I'm supposed to pick her up to go to a party." He tries to keep a straight face.
"Oh shut up!" I laugh, and we start walking to the bus stop.
"You look hot, not that I ever think you don't, but you look especially hot today." He laughs.
He thinks I'm hot? What? Okay. You're hot too. No don't say that.
"Haha thank you...." I manage to get out. No one has ever called me hot.
"Uh you clean up nice, too." I smile. He's wearing a black shirt and jeans. But he still looks hot- I mean nice. Not hot. But he is.
"Thanks." He smirks.
We sit in silence for a moment. I look up from my phone and see two big lights coming towards our direction. We stand up, and the bus arrives with a loud screech and a puff of smoke.
As we take our seats, I look at Zayn.
"Do you know where we're getting off?" I ask, worried.
"Yeah, the bus stop is just a block away from Laura's house." He says.
I nod my head, and look out the window. My stomach starts to turn. The thoughts in my mind are so mixed. It goes from, this is going to be fucking awesome! Too, I'm going to die.
Our bus turns to the next stop.
