After my long, peaceful yet terrifying walk, I finally arrive back home. When I walk in, I see my father passed out at the kitchen table and I hear my mother snoring from upstairs. I try not to wake either of them as I walk up the stairs. I take out my phone to check the time. It's midnight. I hadn't realized I've been wandering for 4 hours. My mind was some where else. I wasn't thinking about anything. That was my goal. But coming back, seeing where it all happened, makes me flood with anger once more. How does he make me feel like this? What happened to him being sweet, loving, caring, and just a great friend? Perrie is what happened. That slut. She's everything I despise. She turned my Zayn into a horrifying life ruining monster. You think this is how I want to remember high school? I grunt loudly. I wanted high school to be fun, I didn't want to have to deal with all this. I constantly ask my self why me? Why was I the person that had to be picked on? That had to be the target for the popular kids?
My phone vibrates. I am stupid enough to pick it up and check it.
Zayn: I'm sorry, can we please talk about this? I have been very worried about ruining our friendship again. Please respond. xx
Is he serious? How does he expect me to let him tell me that everything's okay and he was just protecting his stupid bad boy image? I don't want to hear it. I put my phone back down and lie on my bed. I gaze at the ceiling. My mind wanders to a dream state. Well almost, until my phone vibrates again.
Zayn: Please don't ignore me we can talk this out I am sorry. xx
Me: Zayn, don't start with me. It's nearly one a.m. and you're going to tell me your sob story. Stop fucking texting me! I have to sleep. Goodbye!
I answer. I didn't really want to, I could've shut off my phone. I do shut it off after I see it has sent. I throw it across the room. I've done this so many times i'm surprised it's not broken by now. I continue to try to sleep, but it's pointless. I can't fall asleep at all. I refuse to open my phone. I stay in bed and stare at the darkness. I decide to turn on the tv, maybe that will help. This boy is really fucking me up. So much of me wanted to check my phone. I just want to know what he said. But I have to be strong. I know if I look at it, I will want to give in. I let my phone lay on the floor across from me. I can only see the pattern of the case, but it mocks me. Some odd late night show is on and I can't get into it. Nothing seems to be helping. Maybe if I turn on my phone and text Macy, without looking at Zayn's messages, I will feel better. I felt satisfied with my plan and got up to get it. I turn it on and wait for it to loud. I expect a ton of messages, but there is only one. Since there is just one, I decide to read it.
Zayn: Okay. I hope you have a nice rest. I know I will not. Goodnight xx
Why does he have to do this? Why is he so bipolar? More texts come in, but it's not from Zayn. I kind of wish it was, because the person who is texting me aren't who I want to deal with.
Perrie: I can't believe you, you're a filthy little one aren't you?
I gasp at the message. The only reason I have Perrie's number was because when we were "friends" over the summer.
Me: What?
Perrie: You kissed my boyfriend. You were all over him, trying to get him to take off your bra and everything...
Me: Who told you that?
Perrie: Millie, of course. She witnessed it.
Me: No she didn't! She walked in when Zayn kissed me. ME. Zayn, Zayn, Zayn kissed ME. I did not kiss him!
She doesn't answer me. I am relieved, I do not want to talk to her. I know Macy is asleep, so I decide it wouldn't hurt to text Zayn.
Me: Millie told Perrie that I was all over you. She told her that I made you undo my bra. You better explain yourself quick before I go crazy.
My thumbs hit the touch screen in pure anger. I'm afraid if I press any harder I might crack it.
Zayn: What?
Me: Really? That's all you can say, is what? You're so stupid sometimes I cannot handle you!
Zayn: I didn't tell Millie to say that.
Me: I didn't say you did. She said she "saw" it. You know how that's going to effect me? As if things weren't bad enough? And you have the nerve to text me begging for forgiveness? You kissed me. You told me you missed me. But when someone witnessed it, you were quick to defend yourself and rush out. I don't need your excuses. I know all you're worried about is your self image and how popular you are. I'm sorry, but I am a human and I have feelings! I fucking know that you only care about yourself but considering you tried to undress me I think I deserve some kind of slack! You're a piece of dirt. I hate you so much it hurts to think about you. What are you trying to accomplish with me? Because I am really tired of these games.
I grunt loudly. I feel like I wrote a 6 page essay. I re read it two times before hitting "send". I wonder what he'll have to say about this.
Zayn: I got scared, okay? I panicked. In case you forgot, I have a girlfriend! And when two people witness me kissing another girl, It's a tough situation to handle. I couldn't think of anything else to say.
Me: You're not really helping yourself here. If you care so deeply about Perrie you would not have kissed me. And as bad as that goes, you realize you finally did something wrong so you blame it on me? You have it easy, Malik! You get everything you want and I am sitting here everyday dealing with more and more unnecessary drama! It's all your fault, too. Everything! This was a mistake, I shouldn't have checked my phone. You're an ass hole. And instead of apologizing properly you tell me you got scared because you had a girl friend. As if it's my fault. I am tired of saying goodbye to you, you better hope this is the last goodbye you'll get.
I shut my phone after sending it. I feel as if I can sleep better now that I have gotten it out of my chest. I am still uneasy, but I manage to drift off.
