My Greatest What If - Moira Gokongwei (Published)

Chapter 15

Don't you know that I want you so bad...?

Want. That's what she felt. Just an unquenchable desire to make me hers.

Unfortunately for both of us, I crave being needed. Not merely wanted.

"What's wrong?" she asked because I was unresponsive. "Baby, what is it?"

And that's when I realized that my head is stronger than my heart. Because even when I was so close to giving in, I knew that I wouldn't be happy settling into being Gio's second choice.

"Can you please get off me?" I asked.

Her weight immediately lifted off me to be placed by the velvety feel of the comforter as she covered my body with it.

"I want to get dressed," I said.

She got off the bed to look for my clothes.

"Heto," she said handing them to me.

"Can you please give me a minute of privacy?" I asked.

"Sige...sa...sa labas na muna ako..." She sounded unsure.

I put the clothes on and stared at my feet – bare, calloused, and a pale contrast to Gio's glitzy black and white carpet.

I know my own heart. I knew that my feelings for her were sincere. But, I couldn't help but doubt hers. Because I knew that she was desperate to get over her ex.

H'wag ka na munang umeksena... I thought to myself. Masasaktan ka lang. Mahal n'ya 'yun. Minahal n'ya nang halos tatlong taon—

My thoughts were halted when I heard a soft knock. "Pwede na ba akong pumasok?" I heard Gio ask from outside the bedroom.

"Pwede na," I replied.

"Hi..." she said as she stepped inside the bedroom. "Okay ka lang ba?"

"Oo," I answered softly.

"Baby..."

"I don't know how to do this, G..." I started to say.

"Do what?"

"Gusto ko lang klaruhin na hindi mo kasalanan 'to. I'm sorry for thinking that when you looked at me, you saw a future with me when you just see the present and a quick escape from your pain."

She looked confused. "What?"

"You want me but you don't need me. H'wag na sana tayong magbolahan kasi pareho naman nating alam kung ano ang sitwasyon. Kung pwede?"

She shook her head. "No, Moira—"

"We can still pretend that I am your girlfriend but I don't want to live here with you."

"Baby, ano na naman...?" She groaned.

"I want to get a job. Hindi pwedeng umasa na lang ako sa'yo at sa kalituhan n'yang utak mo. I want to finish school and to do that I have to work so I will need a favor from you. Do you have Mrs. Montemayor's number? If you do, can I have it? If you can do that, will you let me use your phone?"

"Shit..." She let out a heavy sigh. "Hindi na mauulit 'yung kanina, I promise. I promise on my Mom's grave—"

"Let's not bring the living or the dead into this, Gio. Umamin na ako na gusto kita. Na mahal kita. Pero, ayoko lang maging tanga. So, please, hayaan mo muna akong ayusin ang buhay ko."

"What do you want me to do?"

"Nothing. I need to be able to stand on my own. I need a job."

"I'll find one for you."