ASHLEY

34

I snuggle up under his warm body, rubbing circles over his chest. Enjoying the comfort of his warmth. Isaiah and I have been sitting on his bed enjoying each other's company. No sex, just talking. Through the months we've known each other, there is still so much to uncover about each other. So much I'm not sure if we're even willing to tell each other.

Isaiah has a beautiful mind. His dreams are big and he knows it and still, there's no trace of doubt in his mind that he can't accomplish what he set his mind to. No doubt he's going pro once he graduate college (a lot of colleges are already sending him personal invites, which I think is amazing). No doubt he'll be able to provide for his family. He wants to see them happy and get everything they could ever ask for an more. Yeah, his mind is beautiful and selfless.

I've never been with a guy like Isaiah. Part of the reason why I was so hesitant to jump into a relastionship with him. Guys like that want something real, something I'm not sure I can give him. I want to be able to one day. There's more to it than just wanting to.

"What do you want to do after college?" Isaiah ask. Its a question that many have asked me and I haven't been able to give them my game plan because I don't have one. Maybe college isn't even for me. I hate school now so why should I expect college to be any different?

I shrug in his arms, messing with my nails to keep from looking him in his eyes. "I don't know."

"Bria college is not that far away. You need to start filling out applications or something-"

"I'm not even sure I want to go to college. Not sure school is for me, at least not after high school," I confess.

"You have to. You need to. To get a higher education and make something of yourself. You don't want to be stuck here for the rest of your life, living pay check to pay check."

He does have a point. I'm just not going to tell him that. I don't need anyone jumping down my throat about what I need to do for my future. Lots of people don't go to college and still, some of them make something of themselves. "I'm not going to be stuck here!"

He sits up straight on the couch, pushing me off his shoulder. "You will if you don't go to college."

"Why are you being so pushy about this, it's my future isn't it?"

"And if I don't talk you out of it It looks like you're going to throw I away. Damn Bri it's like you don't even care."

"You're about two seconds from getting punched in your neck. How could you even say that? Of course I care about my future."

He huffs. Flipping down on the couch next to me. A defeated look. "I'm sorry. I was wrong for saying that. I just want the best for you. Why don't you come with me to this college I'm visiting this weekend. It'll be fun and help you see what college will be like-"

"You're still pushing it. I can't go with you to your college visit. I don't want to just follow you around like a loss puppy all day. Look, I'll fill out some applications. I just- I don't want to think about that right now. We were having a good moment-"

"Bria-"

"I already have plans anyway. I can't put everything on hold for you." The gathering I promised Kenneth I'd show to comes to mind. I would much rather hand with him than trail behind Isaiah on his college visit as if I actually am considering going there. The school is nearly halfway across the country. He's actually considering going to that college? And leave everything else behind? In not him, I couldn't do that to my family. They need me.

Besides, long distance relationships never work out. Its too complicated. Not being able to see each other. Wondering what the other may or may not be up to.

"Bria that's not what I'm asking-"

"Then what the hell are you asking? Ugh this argument is so stupid. If I don't want to discuss my future then that should be the end of the conversation."

"You're right. I'm sorry. Can we just go back to talking or watching a movie?"

I glance down at the time on my watch. Turning back to him and shaking my head. "I have to be at work in a few. Gotta go home and change."

As much as he tries to hide it the disappointment is clear on his face. Frustration as well. I'm sure if I let him He could go on and on about how I need to be thinking about my future. My main focus right now is graduating high school. It's scary to think about what I'm going to do once I'm an adult and graduated. Everyone keeps asking me. Sure it would be nice to say I went to college but the money...college is expensive. "Fine," Isaiah answers harshly. He slips on his shoes and head to the car. I rush after him.

When I get home I change into my uniform. I haven't been putting in as much work lately. I've mainly been focused on hair so I cut back my work time a little so I'm not over doing anything.

Twenty minutes in to taking orders and I'm already not feeling it. The argument with Isaiah fresh on my mind. I'm both shocked and thrilled when Kayla shows up on my break. I fix her a milk shake and some friends and sit at our usual spot in the back, away from nosey ears. I spill everything about the argument I just had with Isaiah, leaving out not a single detail. Kayla is my best friend and not once had she given me a reason to not trust her with my personal information.

"He sounds like he's being pushy," Kayla admits when I'm done talking.

I shrug. "He's just looking out for me. I don't know why I got so mad honestly."

"Duh because you're scared of your future. It's nothing to be ashamed of. I'm kind of worried too."

"Yeah."

"Um Bria h-have you spoken to Kenneth lately?"

"Why would you ask me that?"

"Because I saw him at the mall the other day and we kind of started talking. Well we disnt really talk. I just a-asked him why he left. Questions like that. He kept giving me this bogus response about how it's not his place to tell me. Then we walked around the mall together, even though I was mad he wouldn't tell me why he left. He asked if we could be friends again. I think he's changed a lot. I don't know if I like it so I told him no. We couldn't. I couldn't do that to you."

It shouldn't surprise me that my best friend had thought to put my feelings before her's and yet it does. I had been selfish keeping all my encounters with Kenneth a secret. "Yeah I've talked to him lately. He actually have me a little charm in rememberence of my mom for Valentine's day. I didn't tell you because I disnt think it was important and just in case it was I didn't want to hurt you. I'm sorry about lying to you about that...again."

"No I understand. I wasn't sure if I should tell you either," she laughs but there seems to be nothing humorous about what she has to say next, "he use to always put us up against each other without our knowing and we'd fall for it every time. Maybe he hasn't completely changed."

I shrug, grabbing a warm fry off her plate. "Maybe he hasn't." I don't know if I really believe that. Kayla hasn't spent enough time with him since he's been back to form any type of opinion on the matter. I have. I've spent time with him. I know what he's like now. Glancing up at the clock nailed to the wall I realise my break is over. Turning back to Kayla I say, "he invited me to this party this weekend. You want to come with me? You can be my plus one."

   "No I can't. I can't make you stop talking to him but you should be really careful. Don't hang out with him so much. Kenneth's always been a trouble kid. He's damaged," Kayla explains to me. 

   I chew on this inside of my lip, contemplating what I should say next. I don't want to get so defensive and cause another fight with my best friend but I also don't want her to have those opinions about Kenneth. Reasonably she's skeptical of him but she was never his friend like I was. "I gotta go. Breaks over," I say instead. Getting up from the table. 

   Kayla follows suit. She gives me a quick hug. Kayla has never really been big on hugs. "I'm serious Bri, don't hang out with him so much. I don't even think you should go to this party.

   "Okay," there was nothing left to be said. I had already made up my mind about the party. Besides, I need a good distraction.