ASHLEY

51

   The bitter morning air bites at my exposed skin. I would have worn a jacket had I known. Black flats dig into the moist surface of the earth, knees sinking into a bottomless pit.

   Despite the pain and the rain I make no move to get up and make a run back to the house. None of it would do any good. Delicate fingers graze over the stone material, the engraving.

   Words start spilling out of my mouth before my brain has time to catch up, "I was so stupid to think that we would work. I was naive to think I would be different. I don't know, I guess I just wanted one of those repastionships where the girl changes the bad boy from the player he use to be into the perfect guy, a good guy. You always said I read too much. You're right. You're always right, Mama. You and," I nod over in the direction of the other tombstone, "Daddy. I just wish you were here to tell me you told me so. I think I would have been okay with that as long as you were here."

   Hot, angry tears stream down my bare cheeks like a waterfall. I make no attempt to wipe them away. No one is out here to wittness me bare face in slacks and a white dress shirt with no makeup on and puffy eyes. That would be the sight to see, note the sarcasm.

   Anger.

   Frustration.

   Those two emotions loom over me as I stare at my parents names;

   Jessica (last name) and Eric (last name)

   They didn't deserve this. My parents were good people. They went to church, helped people in need. Anything good you can think of, they did it. I use to think only good things happened to good people. I was so wrong.

   "I'm just so stupid and naive," I whisper to myself.

   "No you're not."

   I nearly jump three feet in the air at the sudden break in my silence. I scramble to my feet and turn to look at the intruder. "Kayla? What are you doing here?"

   Her hair is pulled up in a neat bun and her face is baked to perfection, giving her mocha skin a nice glow. She looks really beautiful in her short yellow dress, a large contrast to my black. "What am I doing here? What are you doing here? The girls and I stopped by to wish you a happy birthday and your sister told me you were gone when she got up. I checked the hair store and with Kenneth but when you weren't there I knew there was only one place you could be...happy birthday."

   "Thanks."

   "You shouldn't be sad on your birthday."

   "Yeah, I know."

   "So get up. Lets go somewhere fun," Kayla says with a smile. I, however, find it impossible to do so. I know I should be happy but I just can't find it in me. My eighteenth birthday was always suppose to be the most important day of my life and here I am, sulking.

   It's my own fault.

   "Aren't you mad at me? We haven't spoken a lot lately."

   "We've been friends for years you're like my sister. I could never stay mad at you. I was wrong to shame you for talking to Kenneth. It wasn't my place-"

   "Yeah it was."

   "No. He was more your friend than mine. I should have respected that. I'm sorry. How about we go to the mall and get pampered? My treat."

   "I-"

   "You can't say no. Lets go. You should be out celebrating," Kayla suggest with a smile.

   Despite all the unfortunate events there is no reason why I shouldn't be enjoying my freedom. In fact, it's the perfect reason why I should be. No one deserves to be sad on their birthday.

   I run my fingers along the stone material one last time before getting up.

   The silver Mercedes Benz sits parked across the street from the cemetery. The world around it is quiet, a sharp contrast to my chaotic world. Kayla unlocks the door and I slide in the passenger seat.

   Victoria's Secret is the first place we stop. Kayla, for some reason, has it drilled in her mind that sexy underwear is the cure for everything. I don't even bother contradicting her. She would just argue me down anyway. After looking through racks and racks of sexy underwear I let Kayla pick out a lacey black bra and panty set for me and for her a simple-but sexy-Pink set. Next we head over to Charlotte's, a small boutique smack in the middle of the mall. Its my favorite store to shop at. There's always such cute clothes for great deals.

   Kayla picks out a couple of modest but tight dresses. None of them spark my interest. "How could you not like anything in here? This is your favorite store," Kayla whines.

   "I know but I'm just not feeling these clothes. Lets try some place else. Maybe we'll find something then." I highly doubt it. Like Kayla said, this is my favorite store and the fact I'm not finding anything I like is shocking. I guess I'm worse off than I thought.

   We walk around the mall. Our attempt at finding a dress is to no avail, along with my attempts to convince Kayla to turn around and go home. For some reason she's insistent on finding me the perfect outfit.

   "You're planning me a surprise birthday party aren't you? I thought you would put an end to that."

   "Aren't you a little too full of yourself?"

   "I'm really sorry. It's just...you were right about Kenneth. I thought we would be different, that he would be different with me-"

   "You don't have to explain. I get it."

   "No I do. It was wrong of me to push you guys to the side like that. I know it won't mean anything now since everything has gone to shit and I'm sorry it got to this before I realized it."

   Kayla sighs dramatically before turning around and looking me square in the eye. She then grips my shoulders. "Sometimes people just need to get knocked down really hard before they can get back up."

   I blink back tears as I let what she said sink in. Maybe this is what I needed.

   Maybe.

   I've been using that word a lot. I suppose I'm not too sure about anything these days.

   Something catch my eye and I whip my head around. A smile forming on my lips. "I like that one," I admit, pointing to the thin material with a smile.