| Diary |

2 |21 | 17

Today was good.

I'd be lying to say that I didn't miss you, because I do and there are days when the dull ache in my chest grows to something a bit more intense and I miss the sound of your voice.

I miss my best friend.

I had another nightmare last night, I almost gave in and texted you at 3 am like I used to do when things got bad. But I didn't because things aren't like they used to be and that message still sits in my drafted messages that will never be sent.

I remember how only you knew how to make me feel safe in the middle of the night, when shadows lurked in the dark corners of my mind, your voice used to lull me to sleep. And you'd always stay on the phone with me until one of us fell asleep and I'd listen to your soft snores for hours because it meant that you were still there.

And sometimes I think that maybe I messed up when I said that I didn't love you the way you loved me but it's too late to think of such things.

I guess I just miss us, and I'm sorry it didn't work out because you were my best friend and now you're a stranger.

Something you promised you'd never be.

Other than sleeping a total of 3 hours last night, my day went surprisingly well. Work wasn't as bad as it has been and I enjoyed my conversations with btg. I got a little defensive towards the end of the day while I heard the hardships one of them faced and I swore if I ever had a child I'd break the fingers of the person that ever laid a hand on her.

I don't care if I go to prison, no one would mess with my children.

And now I lay in bed listening to Believer on repeat (thank you Nina and Skye). I'll try to sleep more tonight, because I have a headache and I'm sure it's from lack of proper rest.

How the hell do our maknaes do this? I have no idea.

Anyway :) have a goodnight 😴 ❤

~ S