if i fell | lennstarr ✅

four

3rd of december, 1962

after another gig in the cavern a black haired strange girl kissed ritchie. i know he don't know who her was but i saw that. i have never felt as much pain. it was heartbreaking to see that.

this is not normal to feel these feelings when i see another man. what does this mean?

queer? i'm acting like a queer. maybe i am bisexual, well, i suppose i am.

i think i fell in love. not with cynthia, she's nice but like a friend. the one who i think i love is the blue-eyed drummer of mine, richard starkey.

damn it! he shouldn't know that. he wouldn't like me if he knew.

another tear fell down ringo's cheek. he cried so much when he read those letter. he felt guilty because he was really blind. not john, he was.

his hands were shaking as he found an old photograph of him and john. the rhythm guitarist was really happy and he was smiling and so ringo was.

blue eyes of man sitting on the cold floor were looking at the phptograph so long. now he know john missed him more than he thought. maybe it was because of all of these letters. he wasn't sure. after all, he was confused too much.

ringo folded the photograph and he put it into the pocket of his shirt. he grabbed another letter and read it.

27th of february, 1963

well, i can say i hate myself for what i have done. i'm a fucking asshole. ringo was drunk as hell and what did lennon do? i kissed him for a moment. then he fell asleep in my arms so i took him to the bed.

his lips were so damn good. no one of birds which i've kissed before haven't tasted like ritchie. so soft, sweet, a little bit more beer but it doesn't matter. that kiss was like never ending dream of mine even it lasted less than a minute.

i hate myself for this. ritchie didn't deserve this but i can't tell him! he would think i'm completly asshole and queer and i don't want to lose his friendship. he's too kind and his heart is like from gold.

i've made a big mistake when i tasted his lips. hell, i was drunk too but not as much as he was. i wouldn't do that if i haven't drunk that alcohol. well, maybe... shit, i won't.

i can't apologize. he would be mad, i guess. i don't fucking know but i feel so bad.

he asked me what i'm writing and why i look like i ate his aunt but i don't want to tell him. if you only knew, ritchie.

"you bastard, lennon." ringo laught but his heart was more broken that it had been a while ago. "if you said that maybe things would change. i bet they would." he wiped his tears.

"you tasted my lips but i didn't remember. that's quite unfair, isn't it?" he asked but there was no reply. "you should win your fight mate, i think i'm gonna change that."

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this chapter is for myshiningstarr