Army Tanks - Lashton - Ended

35

I walked back into the living room after drying my eyes, and making sure it wasn't visible that I had just cried.

''Hey... What happened...? Did you just cry...?'' Charlie asked, standing up and sounding concerned.

Ashton turned his head towards me, as tears filled my eyes again.

I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself down.

''Daisy has cancer...'' I said, before Charlie pulled me into a hug, and I cried into his shoulder.

Some people may have found it strange that I'm crying over someone else's kid having cancer.

But Michael and Calum are my best friends. 

And it rather hard to have been there for Michael for the four months that Calum was in Iraq, during the pregnancy.

I was there with Michael when he gave birth, and held the hand that Calum didn't.

Daisy felt like my own kid sometimes, so this is really hard on me.

And also the fact that it's cancer.

I took a deep breath before pulling away a little from Charlie's embrace.

''I... They don't have the money for the surgery... So I'm gonna pay for them... And for the medicine... As a thank you... Michael was there for me when I was pregnant with Elliot, and they were pretty much 'the other father' the frírst year of Elliot's life. I can't thank them enough for all they did for me. And Elliot.'' I said, as Elliot ran over and hugged my leg.

''Hey baby...'' I whispered, before pulling him up, and kissing his forehead.

We stood like that for a few minutes, before Ashton stood up and grabbed his stuff.

''I uh... I should get going... I need to get ready for tomorrow.'' He said, before walking towards the door.

''Tomorrow...? What happens tomorrow?'' I asked, as Ashton opened the front door.

''I'm joining the army.'' He said, before the door was shut, and he was nowhere to be seen.

I looked at Charlie shortly, before giving him Elliot, and running after Ashton, who was already a few meters away from the house in his car.

I ran after him, and he finally stopped, and I realized we were about 200 meters(about 650 feet) away from the house.

I quickly ran over and got in the passenger seat, taking the car key.

I looked at Ashton, who honestly looked like shit.

''Why...?'' I asked, my voice sounding fragile, like one wrong move or word would wreck me.

''I have nothing here Luke... Nothing...'' He said, running a hand through his hair, and looking out of the window, avoiding my eyes.

''Yes you do... You have Elliot.'' I said, though I knew it would be wrong of me.

''No I don't Luke. I see him once a month. Elliot obviously only sees me as a babysitter, while he sees Charlie as a dad. It's like... It's as if he has changed us. Meant as in he sees Charlie, who is pretty much just a babysitter when you need it, and otherwise boyfriend, while I'm... I'm his dad, but he only sees me as a babysitter. 

''And I know I won't ever get that spot of being Elliot's dad back. I ruined my chances when I had them, and I realised that today when seeing you and Charlie stand with Elliot. You guys are a great family without me. Hell Luke, I made you let me see Elliot, using a gun. Why do you even trust me.'' Ashton said, as tears formed in his eyes.

I didn't know how to answer his question.

Because how do I explain that there's just something that makes me trust him?

How do I tell him that, when I don't even know what it is that makes me trust him.

''I... I don't know Ash... I just... I trust you in some strange way. I can't explain what it is... I just trust you, no matter how crazy that may sound. I know you treated me like hell when we first met... But you changed, and I grew and learned to love you Ash. I really did. You changed me. But you also broke me. Believe me. 

''You hit me, and you held a gun to my head, but I still trust you. Because when you hit me, I could see the quilt in your eyes, even though you were fighting to not let it show. And you didn't shoot me Ash. You could've easily killed me and then take Elliot with you and flee this country. But you didn't. 

''Hell, you could've taken Elliot and moved to another country those times you had him. But you didn't. And I guess that's why I trust you. Because you had the opportunity to all those stuff... But you didn't...'' I said, turning his face so his eyes met mine.

Tears were streaming down his face, as he bit his lip and swallowed the lump in his throat.

''Fuck Luke. How do you expect me to not love you? I've loved you ever since the begining. And I know I've been bad at showing it, but I'm just bad with my emotions. I was always taught that if you don't show emotion, no one can make fun of you for it. But you changed me. You made me feel something again. Right from the moment I laid my eyes on you. You turned my whole life upside down.'' He said, again looking away from me.

''Ashton... I can learn to love you again...'' I whispered, rubbing his cheek lightly.

He looked at me, as if trying to see if I was joking and just playing with him, or if I actually meant it.

''But you have Charlie, and you're a picture perfect family together.'' Ashton said, grabbing my wrist and removing my hand from his cheek.

I then crawled over the console, so I was sitting in his lap, as I held his head between my hands.

''I don't want a picture perfect family. I want you and Elliot. And I never loved him like I loved you...'' I whispered, before leaning down and kissing Ashton for the first time in a really long time.

-

I just found out that I made a mistake in the last chapter.

Daisy is only two months old, instead of three.

And I got a new dress today, and I think I'm in love.