Darned to Heck

Dinner with the Devil

It was mad really. Everything, all of it, without exception, it was absolutely and categorically insane. And as seemed to be becoming a trend in my life (or lack of) I was right in the middle of it.

I was eating dinner, with the Devil.

The actual literal physical and in no way theoretical Devil sat at the head of the table, I sat to his left, and he would not stop staring at me.

Lucifer, the oldest prince of hell sat to the exact right of his father, opposite me. Leviathan, the second eldest was seated next to me; across from him was Satan, then Asmodeus, then Mammon, Beelzebub, and finally Belphegor.

All seven princes of hell sat around me in age order, and they also would not stop staring at me. Personally I chose to stare at the ornately decorated plate that sat in front of me, as it was much less intimidating than the King of Hell and seven demon princes.

"I am so glad that you could join us Allison." The devil's voice rang clearly through the room. I raised my eyebrows at that; I hadn't been called by my full name since I was about three years old. "But alas, whilst here in person, you do not seem to be very present in self." His manner of speaking was archaic and lilted gently, each word was almost musical. It was a voice that could have persuaded a person to commit mass genocide as easily as you would talk someone into having pancakes for breakfast.

I dared to sneak a look at him from the corner of my red eye, he caught it, and I could not look away. "I have heard much about you, but I have yet to see for myself. Why don't we begin with showing your eyes to me? I have been told that they are really quite marvellous."

I felt no physical compulsion, like I had when Asmodeus controlled me with the necklace, but at the same time I couldn't not do what he said. I could not disobey him, and I found that I didn't even want to.

I looked up at him with my new eyes, one black, one red, and stared into the very depths of time. I was instantly and utterly transfixed by his eyes, they were blood red at the centre; almost black, fading out to a bright molten copper towards the edges. They were streaked with gold and held mine in an unbreakable gaze so intense that I forgot there were other people in the room at all. He smiled triumphantly before leaning away from me, the trance was suddenly severed, and I had to blink a few times to remember where I was.

As I looked away my eyes flickered up to the tall man sat opposite me. Lucifer's eyes widened in shock at the appearance of my own, and I felt a small blush rise up my cheeks as the corners of his lips twitched upwards into a brief smile of disbelief before settling back into their previous reserved line.

"My sons." The Devil spoke in regal tones, instantly commanding the attention of every ear in the room. "Today we have been graced by beauty in a form truer than any previously witnessed at this table. With blood equal in both purity and rarity to your own, it is with great pleasure that I may say that the last known descendent of the ancient Saith bloodline resides with us tonight. It is my command that you show to her every possible assistance and courtesy of which you are able. And my hope that you will join me to toast this most notable occasion."

He stood with a flourish, his movements were continuous and flowed seamlessly into one another as he raised an empty glass. It filled miraculously with a deep rich drink that I assumed was wine. The other glasses on the table filled simultaneously from an invisible source, and each of the men stood and lifted their glasses high into the air in an archaic display of chivalry. A chorus of toasts filled the room, spoken fluidly in the demon tongue before they all sat simultaneously, their movements and voices synchronized perfectly.

I sat in silence, completely dumbfounded and unusually for me, lost for words. I mean what do you say in a situation like that? The regular meeting new people lines like 'hi, my name is Allie and my favourite colour is blue.'? It just didn't seem like it would cut the mustard.

My only friend; the plate, started to become hazy like it was stuck in some kind of static motion. It blurred and rippled under my rapidly widening eyes and was suddenly brimming with unrealistically amazing looking food.

"That's some harry potter shit right there." I mumbled, unaware of the words escaping my mouth until I was hit by the sound of raucous and uncontrollable laughter from across the table. I looked up to the source of the noise to see Beelzebub trying very hard to stop laughing, and failing spectacularly. I heard Leviathan's quiet laughter from my left, and glanced around the table to see, much to my horror that they had all heard me, and almost all of them were laughing.

I groaned internally as my pale cheeks flushed red with embarrassment, I wanted to crawl into the rock and die.

"Can we keep her?" Beelzebub said breathlessly, wiping tears from his eyes.

I sighed audibly, this was so fucking embarrassing. Why me?

"Now now." The Devil scolded quietly, though I could hear the smile in his voice. "Leave her be." With that the demons began to eat, Beelzebub and Belphegor chatted good naturedly with each other at the end of the table. Asmodeus and Leviathan spoke with Mammon. Satan said nothing, choosing to eat in silence with the occasional glance thrown in my direction. The Devil sat regarding me quietly, I assumed waiting for me to be ready to speak to him. Though I wasn't likely to be the one starting the conversation in this situation.

"So Allie, if I may ask, how is it that you found yourself down here in the first place?" I was unprepared for the softness of the voice that drifted across the table towards me.

Lucifer regarded me curiously. His hair was the same black as Asmodeus's, but shorter, lying in tight glossy curls against his head. His keen red eyes were set gently either side of a smoothly sloping nose. And his cheekbones were high and sharp, mirroring the line of his jaw. His lips were a subtle pink against beautifully dark skin and were picked up at the edges into a quirky half-smile as he looked at me. His eyes were neither commanding nor aggressive, merely filled with an inquisitive politeness that I had not experienced so far in hell. He set me at ease instantly and I relaxed under his kind gaze.

"If you're asking how I died then you'll probably be disappointed by the answer." I said, poking at a boiled potato with my fork.

"How so?" He asked gently, coaxing me into conversation.

"It was stupid, really stupid actually."

"Did you stick a knife into an electrical socket?" He teased lightly; his smile grew infinitesimally as mine did. "Or perhaps you jumped out of a plane without a parachute?" He continued.

"No one's dumb enough to do that." I said, laughing quietly.

"You'd be surprised." He said in a droll tone, rolling his eyes and muttering "Humans." Under his breath.

"I walked out in front of a car." I said, sighing at myself. "Stupid right?"

He thought about it, lifting his eyes to the ceiling in contemplation. "I'd say so." He said finally. "Though not uniquely stupid, there's that at least."

"Gee thanks." I said, genuinely smiling now. He seemed pleased with that, and began to eat his food. Continuing to engage me in polite conversation, including asking what my favourite colour was.

The Devil was still observing me, I could feel his constant presence in the back of my mind. He seemed content to simply watch and listen as I tuned into the other conversations around me.

"Beelzebub!" Belphegor cried out in annoyance. "Keep your hands off my plate you swine!"

"I couldn't help myself." He mumbled back through a mouthful of stolen food.

"If you want more then just command it!" Belphegor said in annoyance.

"Why bother, when I could have yours?" Beelzebub replied with a wicked grin. The Prince of Gluttony reached out a second time to grab more of Belphegor's food which was snatched sharply out of reach with a territorial hiss.

Distracted by the commotion at the end of the table I didn't notice the threat that flew towards me until it was too late.