It's been a week since my mom was diagnosed with cancer and during that week it was hectic. The week mainly consisted of crying, screaming, anger, crying, arguing, thoughts, chemo, crying, screaming, school, chemo, hospital, chemo, chemo, and more chemo. The chemo is just making her worse. Her hair started to fall out already. She looks miserable and I can't stand seeing her like this. It's killing me just having to watch.
Right now I'm lying down in my bed just staring up at the ceiling. Something I've been doing since the night we found out. I haven't really been talking to Zach or anyone all that much since we all found out. I'm not in the mood to talk to anyone anymore.
"Knock knock." Someone said as they knocked on my door. I turned my head to see who it was and Shawn opened the door and just stood there staring at me.
I sat up slowly staring back at him standing in the doorway. There was no emotion showing in either of our faces.
I finally came to and started crying as I jumped up and ran over to him embracing him in a tight hug. He hugged back just as tight while I sobbed hard in his chest.
"Shh. Sis I'm so sorry I didn't come sooner. I tried so hard to get down here as fast as I could but my stupid ass manager wouldn't let me leave." I didn't trust my voice so I just nodded and hugged him tightly one last time before pulling away and wiping my face. "Mom tells me you're not doing so good. She said you're not talking to anyone. Not even Zach." He says shutting my door and walking with be to my bed. We both sat down and I just stayed staring at the floor not saying anything. "Please talk to me. I know what it's like watching someone you love so dearly go through something terrible and not being able to do anything to help. I understand one hundred percent. Just talk to me." He said grabbing ahold of my hands making me look up at his face. "Please."
"I really don't know what there is to say Shawn." I said letting the tears slowly fall down my face.
"Tell me everything you are feeling. Don't keep it all hidden inside you. I'm here for you." I looked into his eyes and all I saw was sadness. It made me feel even worse than I already was feeling at the moment.
"Where do I start?" I asked moving my gaze back to the floor and pulling my hands away as I hugged my knees close to my chest.
"Start small. What are you feeling right now?"
"I feel angry and sad and.." I paused taking a deep breath trying to hold back the tears that are threatening to escape. "I don't know I just wish I could do something but I can't. Shawn I hate seeing her like this. I hate it." I said looking back up at him. "I always said that when I grow up I'd be the one to take care of my mom. I'd be the one to protect her from anything or anyone that interfered with our life. And now I..I can't do that anymore and I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm scared Shawn. I can't loose her. I'm not ready for her to go." Tears were slowly falling down my cheeks as I finished. I looked back up at Shawn and he had some as well.
"Lashea all I can say is just do anything and everything you can now before it's too late. I know it's going to be tough but you can get through it. I know you can. Just push all the negativity aside and think about all the great memories you guys shared. Make the most of the time that we have now." He said grabbing my hands. I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath.
"You're right Shawn. Thank you. I really appreciate it so much. I love you." I said as I brought him into a hug.
"I love you too sis. Cmon. They said something about a surprise earlier." I nodded and walked into the bathroom to splash some water onto my face to calm down the redness and puffiness that was going on.
When Shawn and I got downstairs David Romeo Cruz Brooklyn mom and Gracie were all sitting in the living room talking until they saw that I was there.
