So Human

lies

I talk and I talk

but you don't fucking listen


I SCREAM and I cry

but we don't have the same ambitions.

You say that your intentions

are not my intentions

and I say I'm glad;

I don't want your intentions,

I don't want your admiration

I don't even need your permission.

But everything is a lie:

From the way that I pretend to pretend to love you

To the feelings that make me think that I hate you.

If I can trick my conscience into thinking

that your name is something that my very soul despises,

Then I can't trust myself.

And I can't trust my judgment.

And I can't trust my mind,

not even the thoughts that arise

after every achievement

that could possibly prove my independence.

And so the self - doubting continues

and the self - loathing is taken to new heights.

So I mumble and whisper

into my pillow that always listens.

And I scream and cry

Into the fabric that mutes the sound of my emotions.