My not so ordinary life

One boring day

In a boring country, on a boring street, in a boring apartment, in a boring room a not so boring girl stirs.

The girl sits up and stretches, her long arms brushing the ceiling. She lets out a howl but then remembers where she is.

MINTY POV:

"MINTY STRAWBERRY BUBBLE" screams mum "I DO HOPE YOU'RE NOT PRETENDING YOU ARE A WOLF AGAIN!"

I groan internally. What is wrong with my mum?! Why does she have to be all up in my business every fricking day.

I shove my feet into my one direction slippers and plod downstairs. I don't even like that stupid band. I kick down the door and walk into the kitchen.

"MINTY" my mum shrieks "THATS THE 39th TIME YOU'VE BROKEN THE DOOR THIS WEEK!"

I shrug. Who cares what that old bat thinks?

I shove some Nutella down my throat. Five jars to be precise. I feel proud, my diet is going so much better than yesterday when I polished off 63 before the sun was up.

Don't ask where I get the money to fuel my addiction from. It's a secret.

My mum tried to make me go to rehab for it last year but did that work? Hellllll no.

I grab my fluffy rucksack and gallop out the door. I don't change out of my floor length bright yellow nightie. I know it clashes with my natural green hair but I really do not have the time.

I sprint down the lane and realise I forgot shoes. My bare feet start to bleed from all the shards of glass that are helpfully lying on the ground but it's so cold that my feet are numb and I can't feel the pain.

All of sudden the school bus trundles past. I let out a sub-human yell of frustration... Why is everything always against me?! Is it because of my eyebrows? I only just manage to grab onto the back of the vehicle.

I see my peers gape at me from inside. It's probably due to the fact that I haven't bothered with school for the past three years.. I've had much better things to do!

We finally arrive at a square grey concrete block which I can only assume is school. I jump down from my perch and hop-scotch inside. I get a few wolf whistles and smirks as my nightie rides up over my behind. Whoops I forgot I wasn't wearing underwear. I ignore the comments anyways as I have a policy of talking to nobody my age. They're a bunch of ninkenpoops.

I scurry out the sight of the staring eyes and go to straight to maths, my first lesson. I haven't done maths since I was three years old and surprised the teacher by reciting the first 10,000 numbers of pi. It's so embarrassing I was so dumb then! I'm up to 248 000 000 now.

Anyways I arrive at maths and kick down the door, forgetting I'm not at home. I hear a gasp from the teacher so quickly dig out my spare toolbox and build another one.

Everyone seems to think my actions are quite normal. I guess I'm not as crazy as I think I am..

Maths is hell. We're doing fractions which I mastered when I was inside my mums womb. I distract myself by drinking the vodka I disguised as water.

Suddenly out of the blue a faint song begins. It sings "I'm horny horny horny..." getting louder and louder by the second. With horror I realise it's my ring tone. My cat set it trying to be funny. I answer it. I don't want anyone to notice me so I hide underneath the desk.

"Hi sugarplum" a deep gravelly voice speaks from my phone.

I relax. It's just my uncle Donald Trump.

"Baby girl I've got something I want you to do for me"

"Of course" I simper

"My little bunny Hillary Clinton is in the hospital. I really want to see her tonight so please go and save her life. Make it quick - I need her" comes the reply.

"You know I'd do anything for you pumpkin pie" and with that I hang up and zoom out the classroom...