My not so ordinary life

I Endorse These Strippers

I fall like a snowflake through the icy blanket of the sky. It was boiling even though it was August. I land like a frog and look around me. There's sweaty bodies everywhere, hands in the air like they don't care 'cause they're gonna go all night till they see the sunlight alright "so la da de la de we like to party dancing with miley doing whatever we want cos THIS IS OUR LIFE"

(Sorry went off on a bit of a tangent there..)

Anyhoo back to Minty

I jump up and come face to face with a bare, male, moist, fresh... forehead. The owner screams and shoves his tongue down my throat. Yummy! I bite it off and swallow it down in one gulp. The guy nods at me turns around and leaves.

Due to the intense heat, tacky disco light and bare bodies I can only assume I'm in a library.

Obviously that was sarcasm. I'm in a strip club!!!  I feel right at home.

I tear off my nightie and head straight for the nearest pole. Unfortunately it is occupied so I spit in the guys face and launch myself onto the thin shiny bar of destiny. I perform an exotic dance I mastered age one and after doing it for 59 hours I am distracted by a dancer vigorously shaking her booty - how disgusting!!! The crowd that has gathered around me (bigger than my uncles inauguration crowd might I add) begins to cheer violently and chant:

"I met a traveller from an antique land,
Who said-"Two vast and trunkless legs of stone Stand in the desert. . . . Near them, on the sand, Half sunk a shattered visage lies, whose frown,
And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command, Tell that its sculptor well those passions read Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them, and the heart that fed; And on the pedestal, these words appear: My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings;
Look on my Works, ye Mighty, and despair! Nothing beside remains. Round the decay Of that colossal Wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away."

What a jam!

I crowd surf to the bathroom and lock myself into a stall. A strange noise is coming from the toilet. I peer inside and to my surprise Brian Cox pops out. He sneers at me and rushes out the room, resembling a dementor.

I shrug my shoulders. I would do the same to be honest. Suddenly I blink and the world around me goes dark.. I'm no longer on solid ground but am falling.. falling.. Out of the corner of my eye a dazzling blue light flashes and almost blinds me. I crumble down on the floor and look up. It appears that I've fallen down a long black hole? A woman stands on top of me, her pointed high heel spiking through my heart.

"Oh my satan!" She cries "You've made it!!"

"Where.. where.. am I?" I stutter

"Only the best brothel in town!" comes the answer

"Gee whiz!" I gasp "this is the best day of me life!"

I ignore the hot red substance spilling out my heart and jump up. I've only gone and fallen through a toilet at a strip club and ended up at a brothel!

I grab a neon pink leopard print catsuit, shove it on and join the grooving bodies on the dance floor.

There seems to be some sort of satanic ritual going on in the corner which looks interesting but something else catches my eye...

Out of the shadows a head appears, deep chocolate eyes observe the mass of bodies tangled all over the place, long eyelashes flutter and a beautiful black tongue emerges from a mouth and licks its lips.

I really can vouch for love at first sight.. I am besotted! The creature emerges into the lights and he looks even more perfect. His tail swishes and I feel my heart pounding...

I walk up to him and stroke his splendid spots.

"Hello little girl" he murmurs, a smile playing at his lips.

I caress the giraffes neck and jump onto his back "giddy up!" I cry and together we do the cancan. We're the stars of the brothel, even the satanists in the corner discard the devil and begin to worship us. "FASTER" I cry and he does as he is told. What a good boy...

The clock strikes midnight and I scream. I'll turn into a pumpkin if I'm not careful!! I abandon the giraffe. I was wayy over him anyways. I sidestep out the nearest door and find myself on a street. A few figures clothed in dark robes are hunched over, watching me.

"Helllllloooo" the three croak in unison. "You need church" they proclaim and hand me a leaflet. Golly they are right!! That's what has missing from my life! I follow them down a dark alleyway to whatever awaits me in this new pure religious life they promise me...