My not so ordinary life

Saving Hillary

Within seconds I find myself at the tumbling down ruins which some call the hospital situated 2 hours out of town.

I throw a rock at a doctor and knock him out so it is easy to steal his white coat and tools. I drop to the floor in order to draw less attention to myself and crawl along the dirty hospital corridors resembling some sort of snake with problems.

I wiggle discreetly into a room which I can only hope is Hillarys. It would be a shame if she was dead or something.. I lay on the floor contemplating life and death when a loud mooo blows me out the room. I glance through the open doorway and see a cow in labour. I do not want to stay to watch what happens next!

I'm obviously on the wrong ward so prowl round the hospital until I hear someone whimper 'Donald.. oh where is my Donald..?'. Hillary Clinton located.

I slither under the locked door and as predicted, there lies the president's lover. She doesn't seem to be too injured, apart from the large elephant trunk where her nose should have been. She toots at me and I reply

"Don't worry Hillary I will get you better before bed time!"

I get a hacksaw out of my nightie pocket (I always carry one round just in case) and attack the offending trunk. Unfortunately after 3.3828 hours it still hadn't broken the skin. I sighed. It was obviously time to get out the most dangerous tool of all.

The feather...

I then proceeded to tickle off the trunk. It only took seconds but Hillary began to yell..

"ARGH YOU SAVAGE BARBARIAN DEVILLISH MONSTER... THIS IS THE MOST PAIN I'VE EVER BEEN IN IN ALL MY 638.67 YEARS I'VE SPENT ON THIS EARTH..."

I burst out into uncontrollable laughter. Hurting people is so fun! Especially my mum! Whoops let out a bit of a secret there.. Don't tell my mum at home I wasn't actually born out of her womb - it was Hillary's!

Luckily the trunk is now detached from Hillary's face so I stick it in the post and send it to Donald Trump so he can gobble in down for his tea.

Suddenly an army of doctors flies into the room "YOU... IMPOSTER!" spits one. I stare at him. His skin is translucent, his eyebrows are ombré - a mixture between orange and green -and his ears are pointed and abnormally large... they are even bigger than me!

I leap onto his back and begin to strangle him with a nearby banana but he brings out an axe and tries to swing it at me! Woah! Bit uncalled for..! Why do people always resort to violence these days?!

The axe whistles past my ear so I grab a scalpel and begin to dissect his brain. Nobody will get away with trying to kill the great Minty Bubble! Just as I was removing his eyeballs the axe swings round again but this time... it's different.

The gigantic weapon is moving as if it's in slow motion, the spiky blade coming closer and closer... The axes eyes snap open and it lets out a great roar....

"I've got you now you ice cream flavoured human!" It growls

I'm ice cream flavoured..? Umm should I be worried? How.. how does this axe know what I taste like?

While I stop to ponder this the devilish creature comes into to contact with... my beautiful lurid green hair... A lock detaches from my head and floats gently down to the brain splattered floor...

I neigh in mad fury and locate my 63.2 daggers hidden around my body. I grasp in my left hand and stab him nine times in the stomach..
"YOU DAUGHTER OF A PIG!!!!" I scream and proceed to break both his ankles.

I spit on him and leave.

As I slither through the hospital corridor trying to find an exit I hear a great commotion behind me. I swivel round. Omigosh it's the police! I wonder who they are after?? Who on earth would commit a crime in a hospital of all places? Ugh! Some people.

I continue down the passage when I hear my name being growled..

"Minty Bubble... Stay right where you are or we shall shoot!"

They're after me?! What did I ever do to them??!

I need to get out of this...

Suddenly a furry paw shoots down from one of the trees in the corridor. It yanks my arm and I fly up into the branches. Ha they'll never find me now! I thank the kind monkey who saved my life and begin to scale the wall... to my surprise a loud shot rings out and echoes through the empty air... a sneaky bullet dances towards me and lodges itself in my leg!!

Before they have a chance to kill me I head butt the ceiling and clamber out the hole it makes. I'm now on the hospital roof so quickly lick my leg with my orange pointed tongue and heal it. Then I plan my next move...

The police surround me. Their eyes are wide and their mouths form wide o's of surprise. Hmm o's.. Oh my gosh! I haven't had lunch yet!! I take out my box of cheerios and pour myself some cereal. Mmmm these delicious o's taste so much better when you are on a roof about to be shot! I fish out some poison from my back pocket and inject each cheerio - I then carefully aim each one at a policeman. As predicted they scream in excitement at the sight of a hole and gobble it down savouring every single last grain.

Whilst they die I take the opportunity to unleash my wings and fly up, up, up into the sky.

SEVERAL HOURS LATER

GODS POV
Ah what a pleasure it has been to have the kissable Minty Bubble pay a visit! We've spent the last few hours relaxing together on a pink marshmallow cloud watching and laughing at all the humans on earth. I can't believe Mrs. Collie Flower is actually wearing a belt round her head and praying in her shrine dedicated to clocks! Ahh I do create some interesting people!

Anyhoo Minty has told me she's bored so I have to go entertain her! Hehehehe ...

No not like that you creeps! I mean give her a new job! I turn to her and say

"Minty darling how would you like to be a stripper for a day?"

"Omg God!" She replies "yes please!"

So I send her back down to earth and close my eyes.. I'm not sure I want to see what happens next...