Race Against Love (on-going)

Chapter 15

REESE

I waited, but no call came. I left with a heavy heart. Hindi man lang kami nakapag-usap. Hindi ko alam kung maiiyak ba ako o magagalit. It's so sad, makes me wonder if he's even thinking about me.

The flight to Australia was exhausting. And all I could think the whole time was how everything happened so fast. That night I was with him, I was reluctant yet it was evident that I gave in to what I really wanted. What we had was so awesome and I never imagined that everything's messed up afterwards. Maybe I should be play hard to get next time until things start working.  And I hope that things would eventually change, for the best.

How am I right now? I feel less as a person. That brought tears to my eyes. And I hate that this person who made me feel this way, is the same person who melted my heart. The same person who follows me even in my sleep. 

And I miss him. Like crazy. Ilang araw pa lang ako dito sa Australia, pero pakiramdam ko, taon na ang lumipas na hindi kami nagkikita. I've been counting the hours, every single day, like hell. Sadyang napakabagal ng oras, nakakainip. At tuwing pumipikit ako, mukha niya ang nakikita ko. 

My heart and body aches each time I think of the last memory of the night we shared. And it makes me emotional when I thought what we had was supposed to be romantic. But it's not. And I feel so stupid. I've never felt so down and all I wanted is to hug everyone and just, cry. Ang OA lang. But that's what I feel.

People may have thought what I did was a terrible mistake. But for me, what happened between us, was amazing. It's a memory that I will treasure for the rest of my life. And what I'm wishing right now is for us create more good memories in the future. And I think there is no wrong with that. Anyone can dream. And my one wish right now, is to have every beat of his heart.

Too bad, I'm such a sucker for romance. I used to watch more romantic movies with happy endings over the weekend. And what I'd care about is hoping that someday, happy ending will come my way. But now, I don't understand what's happening. I don't even know what's going happen next.

Ganun siguro talaga. You can't have the best of everything. Like you can't be really happy without going through pain or rough times. Kagaya sa love. I know for a fact that loving is getting hurt. But what I didn't realize was, kapag sinabi ng iba na masakit, masakit talaga. 'Yong tipong hindi mo ma-describe. And all you can do is cry. Na parang nasusukat ang sakit sa dami ng luhang pumatak galing sa mga mata mo o kung gaano kalakas ang paghagulgol mo.

I was crying during our flight, on the way here. Silently. Hindi ako humagulgol at pinigilan ko ang mga luha ko. But my  heart felt like it's torn into two. At muntik akong mahuli ni Mommy. So I had to find my way to wipe my tears without her seeing that.

I waited for his call or text for hours. Para na nga akong tangang nakatitig lang sa cellphone ko. Naiiyak ako kasi pakirandam ko, balewala sa kanya ang lahat ng nangyari. It's probably one of his usual nights. Iniisip ko lang na isa lang lang ako sa mga babaeng nagpalipas ng gabi sa kwarto niya, parang maloloka na ako. Kulang na lang kausapin ko ang cellphone ko at magmakaawa dito, na sana tumunog na siya. I even thought of bringing that phone here in Australia. I almost tempted to call him. Or text him my personal number.  

But would  it make a difference if I called and gave him my number?  Kahit ibigay ko ang number ko sa kanya, kung ayaw niya akong tawagan, wala akong magagawa. Maybe that's the reason why I decided to leave my phone and not contact him. And I just realized, I made the perfect decision. Kung nasasaktan ako sa hindi niya pag-contact sa akin bago ako umalis, mas masakit kung nag-iwan ako ng contact number at hindi niya ako tinawagan. 

Napansin ko lang,  habang nakadikit ang pangalan ko kay Adler, lagi na lang akong nasasaktan at umiiyak. At gusto kong pagalitan ang sarili ko. Alam ko naman ang dahilan, pero hindi ko pa rin siya maiwasan.