Race Against Love (on-going)

Chapter 20

ADLER

Nasa ibabaw ng mesa ang isang brown envelope. Umaasa akong laman nito ang lahat ng kailangan ko, pero hindi pala. I'm starting to lose hope. Sinimulan ko ang planong 'to three months ago. Hanggang ngayon, wala pa rin akong nakukuhang malinaw na impormasyon. Pinagmasdan ko itong muli at ang malalaking letrang nakasulat sa harap ito.

JILL FIGUEROA

Napapikit ako nang madiin. Tila pinagsisigawan nito ang pagkakamaling nagawa ko noon. Hindi siya ang pinakangarap kong babaeng magdadala ng apelyido ko. But I made it happen. Hanggang ngayon, hindi ko pa rin ito matanggap. If only I could turn back time.

Binuksan ko ang drawer ng mesa. Inilabas ko ang isa pang envelope na matagal nang nakatago. I took out and looked at the pictures. Napangiti ako. These are pre-nup pictures of me and Nahya taken a month before Alden died.

We planned to get married after New Year. But it never happened because Alden died on Christmas. Then I married Jill few months later. That's when my life turned upside down, until now.

It's been three years since Nahya left. It broke me into pieces. I thought my life was over. And I wasn't really bothered showing how broken I was. Hindi ako nahihiyang umiyak sa harap ng ibang tao kapag naalala ko siya. Jill knew it. I spent most of my days drinking and crying. Titigil lang ako sa pag-inom kapag hindi ko na halos mabuhat ang bote ng alak. Paggising ko, nasa kwarto na ako at wala akong matandaan kung paano ako nakauwi. At kapag nawala na ang kalasingan ko at naalala ko naman siya, I just had to let my tears fall and savour the pain of losing her. Pero sa tingin ko, hindi sapat ang mga luha ko para ipakita ang sakit na nararamdaman ko noon. Because deep inside, I was dying slowly, painfully. Like I was only waiting for my life to end.

Pero ngayon, kapag naiisip ko siya, hindi na ako umiiyak. Ang pakiramdam ko na lang, parang may mabigat na nakadagan sa dibdib ko.

For now, she's like an unfinished chapter of my life. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang kulang o kung ano ang dapat kung tapusin sa aming dalawa. Basta ang pakiramdam ko, gusto ko siyang makita para sa kung ano man ang naiwan namin noon. I wanted to pull through and go on with my life but it seems like her memories are holding me back. But with this kind of feeling, I don't think I'm ready to face her yet.

I looked at the pictures once more. Noon, hindi ako nagsasawang pagmasdan ang mukha niya. Her face is stuck in my mind for so long. And I can recall every detail of her face without putting on so much effort. She kept her black hair short unlike any other girls. Sabi niya, wala siyang hilig mag-ayos at sayang lang ang oras.

Her eyes would shine bright when she's happy. At kapag malungkot siya, makikita mo agad sa mga mata niya na may problema siya. Kapag galit siya, nanlalaki lalo ang bilugang mata nito. Naaliw akong pagmasdan ang mga ito kaya minsan gumagawa na lang ako ng paraan para galitin siya. Napapangiti ako kapag naalala ko ang mga ito.

The very first day I saw her, she looked exhausted. Her small frame showed how frail she was. I thought she's just eighteen but looked twice her age. And she was twenty. But that never took away her beauty within. Her simplicity captured me in any ways a girl can. The moment I saw her, I knew that she's the one. And I did everything I could to win her. And I succeeded.

"Are you sure about this?" bakas sa mukha niya ang pagkagulat.

I asked her to marry me. And I was so nervous.

"I've never been so sure in my entire life. Ikaw, nagdadalawang-isip ka ba?"

I was hoping she'd say "yes".

Ngumiti ito. Alam kong masaya siya sa narinig, pero hindi nito maitago ang pag-aalala sa mga mata niya. " Of course not. Wala akong ginusto kundi makasama ka. Kaya lang..." she held my hand. "Are we both too young to get married?"