There’s moments in life where you just let yourself go. You block out your thoughts. You block out that thing in your mind telling you not to do something. You let your heart take over.
You stop fighting. You let whatever happens, happen. You lose control.
That’s exactly what’s happening right now. Harry’s lips are moving swiftly against mine. His hand at the back of my neck pulling me in closer, so I can’t escape. My hands are resting on his chest, pondering if I should push him away. But at the start I don’t, I let the sensation shivers spread through my body. I let his lips attach to mine. I let his other hand rest on my hip, closing the space between our bodies.
The kiss ignites me. It makes me feel like a fire has lit in the pit of my stomach, making me want more.
But when I realise what’s actually happening, I pull away. Well I push him away. My eyes widen as they search his face for an expression. My breathing is erratic and Harry is just standing there with a smirk plastered on his face.
“I-..Wha-..” I fumble for words as my brain frantically rushes around trying to put together the pieces of what just happened.
“You need to leave.” I finally spit out, my breath slowing down back to normal. I can’t comprehend what is happening.
And with that, he walks to the door. He doesn’t say anything he just leaves. No come back, no comment about what just happened. He just leaves.
I throw myself onto the couch furiously. What just happened? He kissed me…. and I didn’t resist. What the hell is wrong with me? I just kissed a killer. I just kissed a boy who 5 minutes ago was yelling at me and throwing abusive comments at me.
This is part of his game I know it. These are his tricks. I wish he would spare me the pain. I wish he would pick another victim.
But I know how much I wish that, it would probably hurt me even more. He’s like a drug. He’s addictive. I hate him, I hate how he treats me. But the next moment I find myself not wanting him to leave, wanting him to stay with me. Why?...
This is the last thing I needed to happen. After the events from the other night and the letter I received in the mail, my mind is swirling. How the hell am I supposed to last the rest of the week?
My heads spinning, I need a distraction. I need something to get my mind off what just happened… what has happened this whole week. I scramble upstairs quickly and chuck on my workout wear. A run will get my mind off things, it always does. I change into my pink top, black bike shorts and my worn out Nikes.
I leave the apartment once I’m ready, with my phone and earphones in hand. Once I step out into the cold air. I begin to run. I don’t care where I run to or where I end up.
I run away the stress, the problems. I pump my music threw my earphones and let my body take over. Running till I can’t breathe anymore. Running until my mind stops.
I run for over an hour, taking small breaks in between. My legs are sore, my feet hurt and my breath is erratic. But it worked, it cleared my head and I feel a lot better. I’m tired as hell and have no idea where I am, but I honestly don’t care. I still don’t have answers or any idea what to do with everything that’s happening. But I feel relieved. The hour of running cleared my thoughts, kept me distracted. It soothed me in a weird way, but I can already feel it all slowly coming back to me.
I pull my Google maps up on my phone to get myself out of these confusing streets. When the map comes up, I type my address in. Only to see that I’m so far away. Fuck I ran a long way. I begin to walk in the direction to my apartment, hoping that it doesn’t get dark soon.
