Even If It Kills Me

Monsters and Memories

Trigger Warning! (I think)
Courtney POV:
I woke up the next morning tucked in my bed, still in last night's clothes. Shayne must have done this. Shayne, I thought and smiled. Shayne and me. I smiled wider. Shayne and Olivia. My face fell. Olivia....what would Olivia think? I knew that she would ruin me. She's skinnier, prettier, funnier. She could ruin me. They would all side with her, I would be the monster. I always am. I pulled off the covers, and rolled out of bed. I walked downstairs to find Shayne asleep on my couch. I watched him for a few minutes before he woke up. It caught me kinda off guard. "Courtney? What's up?" "Nothing, I just was waiting for you to wake up so I could say, well, thank you." "Anytime, Courtney. Will you be okay?" He responded. "I, I will." "I, I uh, should probably get back. Olivia and I moved in, I don't want her to get suspicious or worried. Not that she'd have anything to be worried about. We're just friends. " "Of course, I understand," I answered. Once Shayne left, I got showered and dressed. I skipped breakfast, and drove to the Smoffice. My stomach rumbled, but I'd have to get used to that.
At the Smoffice
I walked into the Smoffice. I stepped onto the elevator with another person. As I looked up, I realized that it was Olivia. Dammit. "You look awful!" She said, and laughed. "I, I know. Thanks," I answered, sighing. "Okay. Were you with Shayne last night?" "What?" At that moment, the elevator opened again and Shayne walked in. Olivia opens her mouth once more, asking, " Were you two together last night?" "No!" I answered quickly. " I stayed home last night, Twilight marathon. " Shayne shot me a look. I shot him one back, saying, Don't say a thing. Ding! The elevator stopped at the Smoffice floor, and Olivia left. I started to get out too, but Shayne stopped me. "What the hell? Why would you not say anything?" "It's just, people might make a big deal, give me a hard time. Please don't say anything," I begged. "Oh, okay," Shayne, confusion written all over his face. And with that, he stepped out of the elevator. As I entered the Smoffice, no one said a word. They were all fawning over Olivia, who posted yet another stunning Snap onto her Story. I checked her Story, and saw that she had posted a picture of me and Shayne near eachother. Olivia had captioned it, Lol! He's mine. Thirsty Much? I head Olivia laugh out with the rest of the Squad. I heard, " No way! He's got Liv Liv!! Why would he want Courtney?" Keith's voice rang out. They must be looking at the same picture, I thought dejectedly. I wonder if they realized what they were doing to me, how much it pained me. Olivia yes, but the others, I don't think so. That's just the way things were, are, and will always be. And I knew why they liked her. Aside from the fact that she way pretty, funny, and joyful, I knew they liked her also because she was tiny.
Trigger!! If you do not want to risk triggering, then skip this section. I will post a synopsis at the bottom with my author's note
Perfect and tiny. She was small, only maybe 5'1, and weighed maybe 105 pounds? I knew that guys liked skinny girls; it made them feel big and strong. Maybe that's why they didn't like me. No Courtney! Stop it! I sighed, the train had left the station, and I had to do the impossible, stop it. But first, let me explain. :
When I was 15 or so, I was dating this popular jock dude in high school. The relationship was heaven, but like all good things, it must come to an end. I was eating a burger at Mimi's (alone, mind you) when I saw my perfect popular boyfriend kissing a cheerleader. A skinny perfect cheerleader. I heard him say, " Babe, you're body's rocking. I love how I can just lift you up." And with that, he carried her bridal style out. He never carried me bridal style. At that moment, I tossed down my burger in disgust. I vowed to be skinny like her, skinny like all of them, so they would love me. Just like he loved her. And that was the beginning.
I started skipping almost all meals, only eating maybe 3 or 4 times a week maximum. I was down to 80 pounds (Courtney is aged 17 now, and she is 5'6. I think that's how tall she is irl? Anyways, Continue) when it happened. I woke up. I was standing there, next to my locker when the voices around me began to run together, my vision began to blur, and I felt my legs give out. The next time I woke up, it was 4 days later in a hospital. I was then quickly shipped off to rehab, where I thought I had demolished all horrible, self destructive thoughts like that... But I guess not.
Trigger Over!! (Woooo)
Synopsis (As Previously Promised): Courtney reveals to us that she thinks that they like Olivia better because she is skinnier. Courtney revisits a painful breakup that she believes was about her weight before telling that she suffered from an eating disorder that almost killed her and landed her in rehab.

Author's Note:
Hey guys! Let me know how you feel about this chapter. I am sorry that it's all so sad, I had to channel my inner Debbie Downer. I promise that it will be better. Shoutout to Supersmosh_ for all of their awesome support! Ily. Anyways, Peace Out: xxFairGamesxx